cat smoking

What’s wrong with you? Your precious cat has finally rewarded you for all the years you’ve spent scooping clumps of shit out of its litter box. With a bag of weed, no less! That’s much better than a dead mouse, which is the best gift that most humans will ever get from a cat. And what do you do, Kiwi lady? Spazz out and phone John Law like an asshole.

A woman in New Zealand has called the police after her cat left a bag of drugs on her doorstep, it’s been reported.

The worried owner, who has not been identified, apparently rang the authorities in Dunedin on the county’s South Island after she found the bag with 5g (0.2oz) of cannabis inside. ”You hear of cats bringing dead birds and rats home, but certainly in my career I’ve never seen anything like this before,” Sergeant Reece Munro tells the Otago Daily Times, adding the marijuana has a street value of about NZ$100 ($85, £51).

That’s a bag of weed you should have smoked, if for no other reason, to recognize the cat’s effort and thoughtfulness. Even if you really don’t want to smoke weed, don’t freak out and call the cops. I bet the cat is upset now (the cat couldn’t actually give a shit on account of being a cat, but if we anthropomorphize it some, it’s really quite distraught). I can understand if somehow the cat brought home, like, several pounds of weed, you might be concerned that someone, presumably armed, is going to come looking for it. But we’re talking about a quarter ounce of weed. It’s gonna be okay. You don’t have to call the cops, ferchrissake.