In this week’s mock draft, we are selecting rules and traditions from other sports that we would like to see put into use by the NFL. Do you like the rule in golf where everyone has to grow up wealthy, or the one from soccer where you can’t use your hands? This is the time for you to speak up. We did a two-round mock, and then you get to sort out the rest in the komments. Enjoy!
1. Christmas Ape selects – Team relegation/promotion from soccer
It’s completely unwieldy in the NFL just because of the ridiculously expensive infrastructure it takes to have an NFL team, but it would be the greatest thing ever to see a team gets bumped down to the Arena League for finishing 2-14 one season. The sheer terror of a team’s fans worried about getting relegated would make every late December game tremendous.
2. Big Sandy selects – Minor leagues
Hard to top relegation but I’ll go with having minor leagues. It’s not a new idea – and it was referenced multiple times in SBNation’s great piece on the XFL. A successful spring league – or even the AFL per Ape’s suggestion – would not only give players a chance to develop right away instead of sitting on the bench for a year or two as rookies, but you’d get to move players up and down as needed. Your safety not cutting it but signed to a two-year, $3 million deal? Fuck it, move him down to the AFL and bring up another guy to take his place. The 3 other major sports have minor/development leagues, so why not the NFL?
3. Trevor Risk selects – Fighting from hockey
Same deal. Get five minutes out of the game as a penalty. Scenarios like Ndamukong Suh trying to get Manziel to fight him in the fourth quarter so Hoyer would have to go in would add twice as much interest in the NFL and pretty much bury any other sport’s chance of gaining ground on the league’s popularity. Although, the tiresome story lines would become even more insufferable. “WHO WILL TRY TO FIGHT MICHAEL SAM FIRST?” etc.
Christmas Ape: HOW QUICKLY CAN AN NFL SNIPER GREASE A DEFENSIVE END FOR TRYING TO FIGHT TOM BRADY!?
4. StuScottBooyahs selects – Coaching ejections from baseball
Oh sure, technically it can happen in other sports. But it’s more of a rarity and just something that happens in the heat of the moment. Coaches in baseball these days walk out to the ump with the intention of getting ejected. He’s already decided in his mind as he’s walking out of the dugout: “I’m going to argue the call, then I’m going to call him a cocksucker, he’s going to eject me, and then I’m going to go batshit crazy kicking dirt and throwing my hat on the ground while the crowd roars in approval. Oh, and by the way, I’ll face no discipline from the league and my players will love me for it.” Would you not pay extra money at the already exorbitant ticket prices of the NFL if you knew there was a chance Tom Coughlin would charge off the sideline to argue a pass interference call, scream in the referee’s face for 10 minutes, and then throw a jug of Gatorade onto the field as he storms off?
5. Eric Sollenberger selects – The rugby extra point
There’s a bunch of dumb hand-wringing on what to do with the extra point in football since kickers have gotten “too good,” so let me add my shitty take to the list. In rugby, you have to attempt the conversion from a spot parallel on the field to where the try/touchdown is scored. So if Peyton Manning insists on throwing 3 jump balls to Demaryius Thomas in the corner of the end zone that’s fine, but Matt Prater will have to kick the extra point from a tough angle.
6. Johnny Sugar selects – No kneel-downs from AFL
I can’t imagine this being very popular because there would be a few more plays where concussions could happen, but I think deep down, the NFL’s more bloodthirsty-than-we-like-to-admit fan base would thoroughly enjoy teams having to run the ball at the end of the game while the other team desperately tries to force a fumble.
7. RobotsFightingDinosaurs selects – Ubiquitous branding and no commercials from soccer
I’ve been saying this forever. It’ll never happen, but I think it’s brilliant. I would be totally okay with watching the Chicago Deep Dishes Brought To You By Gino’s East matching up in a division rivalry game with the Detroit Cadillacs, with ridiculous branding and advertising all over the field, stands, and jerseys, if it meant that with the exception of halftime, there would be no commercials. It’d be great for the viewer, and reduce the amount of fucking commitment it takes to watch a football game nowadays. Which is why it’ll never, EVER, happen.
8. Old James selects – Intro music from wrestling and baseball
Because the only thing more entertaining than Tony Romo throwing six INTs would be seeing Kyle Orton trotting onto the field to an Andrew W.K. song.
9. PFT Commenter selects – Using tobacco during games from baseball
I think itd just be so cool and a all around win for dip culture if players used tobaco on the field druring live play.
10. Sarah Sprague selects – Injury time from soccer
At the risk of turning this draft into “Why isn’t football more like soccer” which is obviously problematic for the theme of KSK, I would love it if the NFL did away with injury timeouts and added injury time/stoppage time to the end of each quarter. Not half, the quarters.
11. Sarah Sprague selects – Penalty boxes.
While Trevor wants to add my least favorite thing about hockey (fighting), I’d add the ability to remove players from the field after personal fouls for a few minutes. Obviously two minutes of football time isn’t the same as two minutes of hockey time, so make it three-four minutes of sitting your ass on your helmet off on the side to think about what you did wrong.
Trevor Risk: without mcsorley gretzky would have been dead ppl forget that
Sarah Sprague: If Mario had a Marty no one would doubt he was better than Gretzky.
12. PFT Commenter selects – The NBA schedule
I would take adopt the same schedule use by the NBA with 80 games and best’ve seven play off matchups. More football= we all win IMO
13. Old James selects – The handshake line from hockey
This is piggybacking on Trevor’s idea, but instead of promoting fighting, they’d be promoting sportsmanship. If it just so happens to turn every postgame into the Thunderdome? Fine by me.
14. RobotsFightingDinosaurs selects – The hockey power play
Hockey’s power play. Yes, this is the worst idea ever. But imagine that instead of a yardage penalty, if a safety got called for pass interference, he’d have to sit out the next play. Same goes for offensive holding, or any other penalty. Penalties would instantly become much more serious, and even after the penalty, a team would still have to earn the yardage they would have otherwise been awarded.
If there’s one thing we’ve learned here, it’s that hockey got a lot of things right.
15. Johnny Sugar selects – The Arena Football kicking game
I feel weird taking both picks from Arena Football, but I watched a game for the first time in like 6 years last week, so it’s on my mind. I’d like to incorporate the goal posts from the AFL. But the shorter area to kick through, and the netting covering the whole area. Field goals would be more difficult – so would extra points – and there’d be way more opportunity for exciting returns on missed kicks. Basically, the NFL should just start ransacking the AFL for ideas like the NBA did with the ABA.
16. Eric Sollenberger selects – Calvinball singing
After a turnover, the recovering player should adopt the Calvinball rule of singing the “I’m Sorry” song but sarcastically and right in the face of the person who turned the ball over. Especially if said player is Philip Rivers.
17. StuScottBooyahs selects – Fans bringing in flares, from soccer
I want the next Steelers/Ravens game to look like Dante’s Inferno.
18. Trevor Risk selects – This ref signal for “it’s good” from Aussie Rules Football:
19. Big Sandy selects – Ball Boys/Girls, like in Tennis and Baseball.
Pass falls incomplete? Get a 12-year-old to run out on the field, snag it, and bring it back. It also ups the possibility of unintentional comedy.
20. Christmas Ape selects – Mulligans from golf
Along with timeouts and challenges, each team is awarded one do-over per game. IMAGINE THE CHAOS (and strategy)
Oh that’s a great one to end on. What did we miss?
I want more like this!
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