Certificate Of Merit May 27

Welcome to first Komments of the Week of summer, the first comments laughing about OTAs. The endless comments making fun of Johnny Manziel. Funny comments about grilling, logos and congress. There were even funny comments about comments.

While it may be tempting to lay back and take it easy now that the days are longer and the air is sweeter, this is the time when the Kommentariat must think about its training in earnest. Players are returning to practice, we should all start stretching and strengthening our jokes for the season.

I am your host Sarah Sprague and these are your Comments of the Week for May 27, 2014.

Sean Lee Injured At Cowboys OTA

Derpeche Mode

SEE, DALLAS???

That is exactly what you get for picking Zack Martin, when the entire Kommentariat demanded and expected and so, so, so wanted you to go with Johnny Football.

(Reply) Old School Zero

CURSE OF THE LIVEBLOG

(Reply) Derpeche Mode

SOONER OR LATER, THE SCHADEN WILL FREUD ITSELF.

The Carolina Panthers logo is not the shape of Carolina

I love it when you call me Bob Poppa

So you’re saying that the Eagles logo sometimes goes a little back and to the left? Kind of fitting considering most of their playoff runs end the same way as the Zapruder film.

Put Vince Wilfork’s Memorial Day Grilling On The Flag

Horatio Cornblower

Shortly after the video stopped rolling Vince tried to execute a spin move on the beat and blew out his other Achilles tendon.

(Reply) Tony Easons of Anarchy

I was wondering why his rehab regimen included smoking his own shank…

Power Ranking of Complaints in the Fake Johnny Manziel Lawsuit

Old School Zero

This is so much crazy and so much penis that the words just kind of blurred together and I had flashbacks to KONY 2012.

Marmalard: The Musical!

Goddammit…can we please either photoshop the Chargers logo out of that picture or stop using it. It is very disconcerting that he is oddly associated with the benevolent Chargers franchise.

Editor’s Note: No. Something labeled as “Sad Manziel” is pretty much evergreen around these parts. – ss

KSK Mailbag: French Weddings Suck Just as Much as American Ones

WhyEaglesWhy

I know how this makes me sound, but Paris is a wonderful city entrusted to a bunch of assholes. There are plenty of lovely people in France, but precious few of them are in Paris.

And I don’t know who the author of “French Weddings Are More Fun” is, but I guarantee she has no idea why everyone hates Gwyneth Paltrow.

KSK KONTENT KLEARINGHOUSE: Lynch Skips the White House, Cute Dogs and Cleveland Women in High-Waisted Jeans

Mike Wallace and Gromit

If any city’s sports fans have a right to be high and wasted, it’s Cleveland’s.

Reparations, Redskins, and Mark Cuban: An essay on race in three parts

MythReindeer

PFTCommenter is a National Treasure, in that he will spend two hours boring you about stuff that isn’t actually in the Constitution.

50 US Senators Propose “THE Washington DC Football Team” Name

CompassionateSociopathy

Invoking Jessie Owens is sort of like invoking Godwin’s Law by proxy. In this case, they want Rog to be their Owens. So that would make Dan Snyder…Hitler? That’s some delicious irony.

BocaXen

Some commercial in October:

[Young boy, wearing a Redskins shirt, running up to his father]: I really love my Redskins shirt dad, thank you so much! I’ll wear it every day!

Father: Enjoy it while you can son, I’m afraid the Redskins might be going away?

Son [Teary eyed]: Really, dad? Why would they do that?

[Repub candidate steps into frame]: That’s right, there are some in congress, including my opponent, who are trying whitewash traditional values and change the things we hold dear. But we can stop that by electing a candidate that cares about our children’s future memories.[Tussles boy's hair] I look forward to receiving your vote this November.

Voice over: This ad paid for by the Senators to Keep Indian Names for Snyder committee.

Kommentariat Komments of the Week: May 14-20, 2014

Cereal Killer

KOTW posts are like getting back home after a vacation and looking through the pictures you took. At first I get excited at the thought of seeing myself and all the fun times I had, then I realize I’m just looking at shit I’ve already seen and I’m not actually in any of them because I was too drunk.