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What a night for those who live to hate Johnny Manziel. He showed up, did the finger thing, then sat around for a few hours while Uncle Nate pulled out his phone to scroll through Monster.com just in case the slide continued into the weekend. It was also a big night for ESPN, because every time they showed Manziel they bought themselves another five minutes before America would start to wonder which episodes of Big Bang Theory were airing in syndication at that very moment.

In the end, Manziel was passed up by the Cowboys (nooooo) before landing with the Browns (haaaaa), where quarterbacks go to die. While we were all enjoying a laugh at the idea of Manziel going to a hopeless team with scumbag owner who heeds advice from random homeless people, Clevelanders got to work on the region’s most stable job, adding another name to that t-shirt that lists all of the guys who have started at quarterback for the Browns since Tim Couch.

On the other end of the spectrum, there’s Jaguars fans.









Bortles. BORTLES! You drafted Blake Bortles third overall. You monsters. Why do you do this to your fans? Last year half of them wanted Tebow. This year the other half wanted Manziel. And you give them Bortles? Why? Because he’s a Floridian and his girlfriend is some sort of Instagram queen? OK, now I kind of understand. Stay Florida, Florida.