Johnny Football

Earlier today, Johnny Manziel announced that he would be trademarking the phrase “The House That Johnny Built.” This will be the second trademark for Manziel, the first one obviously being his “Johnny Football” moniker. But while trademarking Johnny Football more or less made sense seeing as it his nickname, and Texas A&M very cynically tried to cash in on it, the consensus is that trademarking “The House That Johnny Built” is a bit a presumptuous, seeing as no one knows what team will draft Manziel, or if he’ll be any good in the pros. But we here at KSK say why the fuck not! Why can’t the esteemed Mr. Football trademark whatever phrase he wants. So, if you’re listening, from one Johnny to another, here’s some other phrases you might consider trademarking.

The City That Johnny Built On Rock ‘N Roll And Also Football

The Hardest Working Johnny In Football Business

The Night Chicago Died Because The Entire City Of Chicago Committed Mass Suicide Because The Bears Didn’t Draft Johnny Football

The New Johnny Football Turnpike (if he somehow ends up on the Jets or the Giants)

The Johnny Football River That Catches On Fire Because Of Excessive Pollution From Oil Companies Like The One Johnny Manziel’s Family Owns (if he goes to Cleveland)

Johnny “Spoiled Rich Kid Who Acts Like A Complete Dick But No One Cares Because He’s Good At” Football

Johnny B. Goode At Football

JOHNNY FUCKING ZOIDBERG!

Johnny “Guitar” Football

Johnny Soccer

Johnny Foot Fetish

The Most Interesting Johnny In The Football

Johnny Former Football Player Who Washed Out Of The NFL After 4 Turbulent Seasons But Did Manage To Finish 6th On Celebrity Apprentice

Well, you get the idea. Trademark whatever you want, Johnny – just as long as you stay the fuck away from Johnny Sugar – that’s my gig, dammit! Other than that, live the way you wanna live, bro!