Cetificate Of Merit April 2Smaller1

Welcome to the KSK Kommentariat, where all are welcome and equal, but we have to admit that Otto Man is on a higher plane than the rest of us this week. Good show, old chap. Thank you as always for working so hard to make Kissing Suzy Kolber a premiere destination for commenting.

And from the rest of the KSK staff, thank you all for putting up with not just one, but two baseball posts as part of our April Fools Day ruse. Sadly though for Kommenter Electric Mayhem, the Donald Trump post was not a joke and he may want to start find healthy coping mechanisms to deal with this possible development in his favorite team’s executive suite.

I am your host Sarah Sprague and these are your comments of the week ending April 1, 2014.

KSK Kontent Klearinghouse: Red, White And Suh

Zymm

Today in sports : Americans confused about what sort of football they play.

Donald Trump Presents The Buffalo Bills of Trump International At Trump Stadium

@PelicanPierre Twitter

Maybe this is what Mark Cuban was talking about when he forecasted the downfall of the NFL?

(Reply)Duchess
I hear if you turn off the lights and say “Mark Cuban” 3 times into a mirror at midnight Donald Trump will appear just to call him a loser.

Cranky Detroit Columnist Thinks Cabrera Haters Can Shove It

Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo

Can’t wait to read Mondays with Bill Plaschke! Isn’t it annoying how he always brings up football?

Garçon, Please Send Two Beers and Your Finest Cheerleaders To My Seat

Deadlydeadlyhawk

In San Diego, fans with the app can have Phillip Rivers personally loft a screen pass in the general direction of their seat (upper deck only).

Nippopotamus

The Eagles app ejects your phone battery onto the field.

Monty this seems strange to me

Actually the Rams app just gives you Cardinals updates and directions to Busch.

Otto Man

The Vikings’ AP is a stellar running back who’ll spend his career wasting away on a mediocre team.

Old School Zero

There is no Raiders version. All their fans either use flip phones or burners.

Eagles Release DeSean Jackson Because Somebody Mentioned Gangs

Hobo Spices

The NFL pressured the Eagles into releasing Jackson because when they heard he was a “crip” they were worried they would have to pay his medical expenses.

Otto Man

Where’d they release him? The one yard line?

Irishda

Oh good, so we’re going to follow the lamer version of the Schiano coaching handbook. Except instead of a bunch of talentless douchebags, Kelly’s only going to hang onto talentless nice guys.

KSK Mock Draft: Celebrity you never want to hear from ever again

Lord of the Buttfumble

I dub this thread “This Week in Fuck You: Bite-Sized Fun Pack”

Mark Sanchez Signs With Philadelphia Eagles, Immediately Buys Stock In Duracell and Energizer

Duchess

Sanchez signed with the Eagles because he figures that next time someone claimed a QB from Pennsylvania assaulted her there would be a 50/50 chance they would assume it was Roethlisburger.

Jim Irsay Had $29,000 In Cash When He Was Arrested

@PelicanPierre Twitter

“But in his defense…. No wait Irsay never got a defense”.
-Peyton Manning

Cuntler

He was just following the instructions that his radio was giving him: SLOW RIDE. TAKE IT EASY.

Better Know a Draft Pick: Johnny Manziel

Otto Man

Fast forward twenty years, and…..

Johnny Manziel is the bum on my stoop
I gave him fifty cents to buy some soup
He knows the time with the fresh Gucci watch
He’s even more over than a game of hopscotch
Washing windows on the Bowery at a quarter to four
Cause he ain’t gonna work on the Aggies’ farm no more
Livin’ on borrowed time and borrowed money
Sleepin’ on the street, there ain’t a damn thing funny
With the hand-me-down food, and the hand-me-down clothes
A Johnny Football past of which nobody knows
Makes his home all over the place
He goes to sleep by falling down on his face
Sometimes known as the leader of the homeless
Sometimes drunk and he’s always phoneless
Sleepin’ on the street in a cardboard box
He’s better off drinkin’ than smokin’ the rocks

Well…
Johnny Manziel, Johnny Manziel
Kickin’ uptown, kickin’ downtown, kickin’ crosstown
Johnny Manziel, Johnny Manziel

He drinks where he lies, he’s covered with flies
He’s got the hand me down Pumas and the tie dyes
Well, go upstate and get your head together
Thunderbird is the word, and you’re light as a feather
Detox at the flop house, no booze allowed
Remember the good old days with the college crowd
Tyler is where he’s from (in Texas, see?)
He lives in the street but he’s no bum
A college football star from the days of old
He used to have teeth all filled with gold
A platinum arm, but only gold records
With shitkicker boots covered with checkers
Louis Vuitton with the Gucci star
Johnny Manziel
Who-o-o-o-o do you think you are?!

Playing Catch In The Parking Lot Banned At The 49ers’ New Stadium

Old School Zero

If it’s one thing that “The Room” taught me, it’s that people in San Francisco have no idea how or where to play catch with a football, and will get injured for no reason when they try.