Certificate Of Merit April 29

It probably shouldn’t be surprising but the thread of the week for comedy was found in one criticizing Señor Olbermann. In an era where KSK is often accused of being a bunch of soft, liberal hippies, good to see we’re not stupid about being a bunch of soft, liberal hippies.

I am your host Sarah Sprague and these are the Comments of the Week for April 29, 2014. (Also the day we all paid attention to the NBA.)

I Interviewed For Mo Wilkerson’s Pyramid Scheme and Got Fired

Pemulis

PFT Commenter is a national treasure. But really, fuck Wake Up Now– 3 meatheads I knew in high school got sucked into it and won’t shut up about how they’re gonna be making 2k a month by the end of the year. At least Herbalife sells smoothies.

Blake Bortles Tongue Twisters

Horatio Cornblower

Blake Bortles Completely Fucks Over The Team That Drafts Him in the Top 5.

No wait, that doesn’t work at all.

Knight Dehumidifier

Blake Bortles becomes Browns’ burden by botching back because Buffalo Bills blitzed Bortles badly. Bortles busted back basically brings back bad blood brought by busts.

I love it when you call me Bob Poppa

Bubby Brister borrows Blake Bortles Buick. Buick becomes Brister’s bed.

Mo Wilkerson Promotes Pyramid Scheme On Instagram

Nrojb

The first couple minutes of their promo video uses a stripped down version of a song called “North American Scum” by LCD Soundsystem about clueless Americans. If intentional, that’s pretty funny.

Winner Of The Rams’ $100,000 Schedule Contest: The Rams

Sep

If that passes as a title these days, then every hobo that hits me up for a dollar is an “executive VP of marketing and brand strategy”.

(Reply) Electric Mayhem

I believe most of them would be “deputy vice president of business development”. The schizophrenic mutterers would be marketing and branding.

Keith Olbermann’s NFL Schedule Rant Was Really Dumb

Hank Hardy Unruh

The only solution, obviously, is to put all the teams on the field at the same time. In that situation, I’d like the 49ers because they’re pure of heart, Seattle because they’ve got something to prove, and the Raiders because they always cheat.

Zymm

If you average schedules over the lifetime of the league, you’ll see that expansion teams generally have a much easier schedule, since there were all those years they didn’t play anyone. Yet, teams that have been in the league have more total wins! Thus, if you want your team to win, you should rely on flawed statistical analysis! QED

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Goddamn it. I just had to actually watch the video.

I made the mistake of watching the video and, as expected, it regressed in to a sentimental schlockfest about baseball. Eugh.

First off, all of his bitching about early leagues adopting a balanced schedule is misleading. They were barely organized and getting everyone to play everyone else a fixed number of times in any capacity was hard since, you know, teams fucking folded every season. Then, when they did organize, they only had 8 or 10 or 12 teams so playing everyone home and away was easy to do. You can’t do that with 30 teams.

Of course, the people who expanded the leagues realized a balanced schedule wasn’t practical, so they thought, “Hey, what if we make divisions, but make *those* schedules balanced and award a playoff berth to that team? Then we have those winner play each other.” This, of course, makes perfect sense if you aren’t slobbing the knob of early 20th baseball as a moral paragon.

And then–AND THEN–he just fucking contradicts himself proposing a different form of the divisions he despises never realizing that IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR EVERYONE TO HAVE ROUGHLY EQUAL SCHEDULES BECAUSE TEAMS ARE NOT EQUALLY GOOD.

FUCK FUCK FUCK!

The NFL Schedule Trolls The Jaguars

Otto Man

It was an improvement over the World League of American Football.

“Remember, you can’t spell ‘awful’ without WLAF!”

NFL Schedule Release Live Blog: Who gets Saturday Football Back?!?

Dave Algonquin

THIS NFL SCHEDULE I CALL IT SEX WITH STING BECAUSE THE BUILD-UP TO RELEASE INVOLVES A LOT OF WAITING.

Mike McCarthyism

Sarah – Could you post two separate versions of this post? One for the book readers and one for those of us who only watch the TV version? I WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS! I WANT TO SEE ROMO THROW AN INTERCEPTION SPONTANEOUSLY.

NFL Schedule Release Spoilers

Stabby Pants

Bears will play a MNF game in late November. The storyline will be Jay Cutler playing with a heavy heart after his child passes away from some disease we thought we’d eradicated through vaccines.

And finally, the Other Komment of the Week came from my husband when I told him the LA KSK Kontingent was getting together for drinks this weekend, “What did I say about meeting more strangers from the Internet?”