darren

Yesterday, worldclass brandfucker Darren Rovell attacked a KSK reader for making just a walkoff of a joke a bout my RG3/Hitler post.

He told website-subscriber Neill Mohammed that he was going to contact his boss because Neill said that Darren Rovel would be more interested in the value of the Nazi brand then taking care of his own kids probably. Darren didnt take that to well.

Whil I wish I could say I was suprised, sorrynot sorry (lol) I am not suprised with Rovells actions since he has the sense of humor of a Boston Market rotissere chicken that Kellen Winslow has got his hands all over.

Heres Neil interacting with Darrens brand yesterday- the offending tweet, and Darren getting his feelings hurt by a twitter joke:


I sat down with Neill to discuss how Rovells master plan of ruining a young mans life is going.

Neill, first’ve all i wanted to say how your literaly a hero for standing up to the opression of Darren Rovell.

Thanks! And you’re absolutely correct to describe this as oppression.

Is Charles Shipan your teacher are your RA or what exactly is he threatening?

Chuck is the chair of the Department of Political Science at the University of Michigan, where I earned my Ph.D. I then taught there for a year as adjunct faculty before returning to the private sector. I don’t know what Darren thought would come of dragging poor Chuck’s name into any of this. I don’t think Darren’s ever been reprimanded for *being* an asshole on Twitter, so I don’t think that it was realistic for him to expect someone else to be sent to detention for *calling* him an asshole on Twitter.

At any rate, presumably Darren Googled my full name and then zeroed in on the first authority figure he could find that had any presumptive relationship with me. To be fair, that is much more background research than Darren bothered to do in 2011 when he implied that NBA players were single-handedly propping up the sex trade in New York City, so he may be growing into his job yet.

In terms of consequences: I’m not terribly close with Chuck personally, but I’ve never known him to be anything other than a very gracious and sensible person. I’m sure we’ll be just fine.

Did he actualy send your tweet to Charles Shipan a long with a note explaining how mean you were?

As I write this, I don’t actually know one way or another. I sent Chuck an email explaining the situation earlier today, but you’d be surprised how hard it is to articulate both:

1) Who and what PFT Commenter is, and

2) What a colossal dick Darren Rovell is

in a single email to a professional colleague.

Did Rovell reach out to you afterwords to apologize?

He has not. Here, let me help you to the fainting couch.

In YOUR opinion why is Darren Rovell such a dick?

Darren Rovell is basically a nihilist. If you take him at face value — and who knows if his act is a put-on for the benefit of generating so many strong takes, or if he really is just branding and fame-whoring and branding and fame-whoring all the way down, like if Bertrand Russell’s turtles were paid to make shit up for national television — then the only thing that matters in the business of sports is infamy. And if infamy — or mindshare — is all that matters, than the only means by which anything you do or say can be evaluated is on the basis of what it does to your Q-rating.

I think that’s a strange ethic to have. I think it must be hard to live a life where the first or second thought that honestly pops in your head when you hear that Oscar Pistorius (allegedly, at time of writing) put four bullets into Reeva Stevekamp is to wonder out loud what that means for Pistorius’ endorsement deal with Oakley. That’s how Darren Rovell’s mind works, and I don’t think that’s tenable in the long term. I think that’s the sort of maladaptive thought process that, over time, probably leads to you being an insufferable jackass.

Do you regret making such a good joke at his expense?

I don’t. I still think that’s a solid joke.

I mean, if you have even a cursory knowledge of Rovell’s body of work, you can easily imagine claiming something to the effect of “Say what you want, but you’ve got to hand it to Goebbels for a hell of a branding campaign. He knew that the most timeless brands rely on primary colors.” Now, it is hard to know whether he’d believe it, but you can absolutely picture him doing it. It’d be more extreme than his usual shtick, but that’s a question of degree rather than kind.

And that’s the magic of Darren Rovell: in the course of living his everyday life, he’s operating at about 85% of a Peter Sellers / Mel Brooks caricature and doing so for professional gain.

My only regret is that there are hundreds of thousands of people out there who think Darren Rovell’s an even bigger dumbass than I do but who won’t have the opportunity to articulate that position to one of their favorite sports media satirists.

I dont no what your trying to say here, but you sound smart IMO.

If Darren Rovell were hear right now what would you say to his stupid face?

That I sent his Tweet to Robert Lipsyte.

Is Joe Flacco a Elite QB?

I can’t think of any recent cases where Ravens management have seriously misjudged one of their players. Can you?

All the ladys out there on PFT Planet will want 2 know,, are you single? And do you have a screen name on Rich Eisens Free Agent app?

I am! And that’s almost certainly because I’m not on Free Agent.

This gives me an great idea- a online dating App exclusivley for people who hate Darren Rovell, except theres already kindve a app for that,, its called “a bar.”

Thanks for siting down with me Neil. Your a 1st degree road grader and we all apprecate your work that helped us all unify behind the real enemy- Darren Rovell. #CancellRovell