the-book

Hey, everybody, Phil Simms has strong opinions about the 2014 quarterback draft class. But before you think about paying any attention to whether or not Simms thinks these youngsters will be able to play by THE BOOK, do yourself a favor and listen to literally anything else. The sound of the sea inside of conch shell. A fire alarm going off directly into your ear. Someone coughing up phlegm. Anything!

As a courtesy, here are a few suggestions off the top of my head:

1. This song

Summertime sure is great. ELITE, even. This song really captures that, I’d say.

2. A babbling brook

brook

Soothing! But what’s it babbling about? Trade rumors? Draft smokescreens? Seems like this is a brook in the know! Better stick around to see if it divulges its secrets.

3. Pipes that click in the walls

click

Pretty frustrating thing to have to frequently hear in your home. Plus you get the anxiety that comes with thinking that a pipe is going to burst and destroy your place. Nevertheless, still less bothersome than a Phil Simms commentary.

4. Vuvuzelas

vuvuzela

Remember them? Well, now they’re back in Pog form annoying you, though still slightly less than Phil Simms.

5. The brown noise

brownnoise

Uh oh. You just shit your pants. That’s embarassing. Take a look on the bright side: you didn’t get enraged by Phil Simms. All in all, a win by any measure.