Trump Stadium Fixed

Welcome to my new venture, The Buffalo Bills of Trump International at Trump Stadium.

Now, when you hear the Trump brand, you know you are getting a winner, and I didn’t buy the Buffalo Bills to be a loser. No, losers are leaders who don’t show you their birth certificates, allow for offshore wind farms near my fabulous golf courses and vaccinate their children.

At Trump, we believe in keeping jobs in America, making this country great — and if you don’t believe me that we’re becoming like a third world country, just take a look at our airports, our bridges, the Buffalo Bills under previous owner Ralph Wilson, who allowed this team to play in Canada of all places. Canada!

Now, Trump International Hotel & Tower Toronto is a great property, pure five-star luxury condominiums — ignore the news about it still not being done after all these years, media hogwash because they’re jealous of my success — but Canada is for hockey, beavers and oil sands, not American football. And they love me in Canada; they love my hotels, my buildings, my ties, everything. And they respect me because I’m smart, and they know what I say is true: Canada is not for American football. They don’t want it. They live there and they tell me how I’m right, that they agree with me, that the Buffalo Bills are American. With me as your owner, you can bet I will keep The Buffalo Bills of Trump International at Trump Stadium in Buffalo. It would be a catastrophe to have them play anywhere else but Buffalo.

Unless, a good deal comes along. Now, I built Trump International with my own bare hands from nothing. Absolutely nothing. But I was good at making deals. And if a good deal comes along that will help The Buffalo Bills of Trump International at Trump Stadium, I will make that deal because Buffalo is more than a place, it’s an idea. Buffalo is a hard working, gritty town. It’s proud of its roots, an industrial city full of blue collar workers, which is a universal feeling — you know I also own the Miss Universe Pageant so I know how universal things work — that can be found in the gritty neighborhoods of the East End, Mile End and Stratford. Because either we have borders, or we don’t, and since we don’t have a good border system, we should look at other places to best make American money for me because then I can create other American jobs repealing Obamacare.

If we can take that American ideal, which everyone around the world loves, they want to be American, and make The Buffalo Bills of Trump International at Trump Stadium the best five-star, luxury experience elsewhere while keeping the American dream alive for me Donald Trump, I will.

[H/T ESPN]