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First name: Tom

Last name: Savage

Height: 6’5″

Weight: 224 lbs

Position: Quarterback

College: Rutgers, Arizona (sort of) and Pitt

What he has in common with me: He has very little to show for his time at Pitt, and nothing to show from his time at Arizona.

High school: Cardinal O’Hara

Other famous alumni: Somebody who was in 17 episodes of Dawson’s Creek. So yeah, basically an incubator for the ultra-successful types.

Year: Redshirt Senior

Age: 24, so you know he’s good.

Parents: Tom and Linda

Major: Communications

40 yard dash: 4.97

Twitter: Nope

What his Twitter bio tells us: He doesn’t care about you enough to tell you even the most basic things about him.

Terrible song that accompanies his YouTube highlight video: Ready Aim Fire

Potential Berman nicknames: Wonder Years

Stupid shit that shows up in his Google Image Search: Just this photo of a disheveled middle aged man.

Nicest comparisons: Troy Aikman

Wait what? Seriously, Gil Brandt says he reminds him of Troy Aikman. Presumably the Troy Aikman who was drafted first overall, not the Troy Aikman who owns over 50 suits and has displayed a sudden interest in prostate health.

Strengths: Size, arm strength, comes from a pro style offense, team captain

Those last two don’t mean shit, right: Right.

Weaknesses: Footwork, mobility, slow to react, mental toughness

Scouts take: Yeah, but that statuesque white boy from Pennsylvania sure can spin it!

Red flags: Probably terrible.

Coveted by: Old school scouts who may be senile.

Why he’s being featured: He’s flyin’ up the draft boards.

Where he’ll go: Two rounds sooner that he probably should.

What Nolan Nawrocki is saying: He’s smart and hard-working with excellent character.

Not like: Cam Newton, who I think stole my wallet.

Impact: He’ll probably have a couple of really promising preseason performances.