Wait, ten weekends down and only twenty more to go before kickoff? When did this happen? Has it been that long since the last offseason Mood Watch? While I was down all week, mostly because this extended time before the draft is possibly the most annoying time on the NFL schedule and anyone uttering the phrase “moving him down my draft board” should get a banned from talking about sports, suddenly realizing we’re already a third of the way through the offseason has given me hope. A third is more than a quarter of the way and nearer to halfway and once you get to halfway, you really can suffer through almost anything.
So how are the members of the KSK staff fairing this month? What is keeping everyone going during the dark, football-less days?
I recognize that this is blasphemy on a football blog, but I’ve been watching a lot of soccer: Champions League, the Premiership, MLS, international friendlies ahead of the World Cup — it’s all happening non-stop through the spring, and I find it both more soothing and more entertaining than early-season baseball.
Part of it is being the token “soccer guy” at work who needs to be able to give his two cents on Zlatan Ibrahimovic, part of it is loving the BPL announcers’ vocal rhythms and linguistic creativity when I wake up on a Saturday morning, and part of it is Clint Dempsey’s unforgiving destruction of opponents for a Seattle team. It may not be the all-consuming passion of NFL Sundays and fantasy football, but it’s entertaining without being stressful. It’s pleasant, and that’s a nice change of pace.
So how am I coping? I’m investing a lot of time in TV, like Game of Thrones and Mad Men and VEEP and trying to get re-invested in baseball and NHL playoffs and going outside in the warm weather and enjoying the company of my loved one and my dog and trying not to think about what life is like OH GOD JUST GIVE ME SOME FOOTBALL I WILL WATCH JAGS-BROWNS RIGHT NOW IF IT MEANS REAL FOOTBALL.
The Stanley Cup and NBA Playoffs are here and, with the Wizards involved for the first time in six years, I have a stake in both for a change. Still, football withdrawal is so palpable that I’m unreasonably excited to watch Chad Johnson in the CFL is further blow time until the NFL resumes. I’ve even been bad at distracting myself lately. After years of putting it off, I finally started reading “Guns, Germs and Steel” and, damn, it’s a slog. It’s fascinating subject matter but it really gets bogged down in the details. I’m sure a historian can appreciate that, but for laypeople like me, it can be a little tedious. Also, my dog got her ear sliced open at daycare last Saturday, setting me back another $450 on stitches and antibiotics, further lessening the chance I’ll be able to take a vacation this off-season.
I know it’s spring because my cat went outdoors for the first time in months, ate a fern, and then promptly came back inside and unswallowed said fern all over my rug. THIS CAT I CALL HER MICHAEL VICK BECAUSE SHE’S NUTS FOR THE GREEN PLANTS AND HATES DOGS. I know in the spring I should be getting out there and enjoying the weather, but that’s not really happening. I had lunch on a patio on Sunday and although it was supposed to be refreshing, I found it kind of annoying. Insects and wobbly tables aren’t my idea of relaxing. With my leisure time, I’m just going to the gym, enjoying the Bruins’ run to the playoffs, and watching Bewitched and Animaniacs. Samantha Stevens and Dot Warner are my favorite fictional female characters of all time. They’re subtly the boss of the men around them. Reminds me of my late Nana. I’m trying to sell my 68 Mustang because the ex and I bought it together and I’m not interested in the crippling payments of buying her share out. This is both depressing and frustrating. I’m hoping some rich dads or older gay couple show up at my door with a bank draft any day now, but it’s not looking good so far. I was going to watch “A Football Life” about Derrick Thomas last week to get in the football mood, but it’s more depressing than “Jurassic Bark”.
Between my job, the NHL playoffs (dammit Blackhawks, win next time) and planning my first trip to Europe, hell, I don’t have TIME for foobaw.
Plus, now, when I want to watch gross displays of violence ordered by those in power as they exploit the people they have power over, I can just watch Game of Thrones on Sundays.
(Editor’s note: Stupid fun careless youth planning first hostel trip across Europe. Trying not to be jealous.)
Said up in the intro how I was feeling about the offseason (STOP TALKING ABOUT MOCK DRAFTS), so here is the time killing part. Finally starting to get caught up on all the movies I missed last summer while I was away, last fall during football season and over the winter moving. Sure those are important and hey, that PACIFIC RIM wasn’t so bad, but I’m also getting ahead on the new releases from directors I’ve always adored. Spent all last weekend quoting Jim Jarmusch’s ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE back and forth with Bryan as we worked in the garden, stopping only to swear at how much our bodies hurt from planting cacti. ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE might be, and I say this as someone who saw NIGHT ON EARTH about a dozen times in the theater when it was released, probably my favorite Jarmusch date. The expected layers of dialogue are present, his always present sly humor, the beautiful driving shots — with Jarmusch he always takes pains to show you how someone got somewhere, a character is never just in a new place, but just the richness of the world he created in the dark is just a delight. Was craving to watch all over again a day later.
This weekend? This weekend I am going to make an Italian Easter Ham Pie, recipe courtesy of friend of KSK, Thomas Holzerman. I forgot how it came up, but I had never heard of an Italian Easter Ham Pie (Philly thing?), so he sent me the recipe his aunt makes every year, saying now that he and his wife are on their own, they just buy one since they are plentiful at the Italian delis and bakeries out there. Feel like making an Easter pie for yourself? Here you go:
6 eggs, beaten
1 cup Bisquick
½ cup Parmesan Cheese
½ cup mozzarella cheese, cubed
¼ cup oil
1 cup ham, cubed
½ cup salami, diced
½ cup pepperoni, diced
3 hard boiled eggs, chopped
Combine all the ingredients in a 9″x12″ buttered pan and bake at 350 for 30-60 minutes.
I’m writing this later than I’d hoped. You know why? Because I’m moving. I’ve been moving for two weeks, and I’m never actually gonna be finished moving, because that’s what happens when single people move. You clumsily pack away every last one of your possessions into unmarked boxes, because who has time for labels? Then you haul everything you own to your new place, pile it up in the living room, then take a shit with the door open — just because you can, and because that’s the last moment of freedom you’ll have for the next month.
After that moment of bliss? HELL.You spend that first week trying to find a clean pair of socks (how did they end up in the crock pot?), until you finally have everything unpacked. (Or, if you’re like me, you’ll actually schedule a trip to Florida in the middle of moving and have to, quite literally, unpack a suitcase (oh, THAT’S where the TV remote was) just to repack it with something completely different).
Then you’re stuck trying to find a home for everything, which is impossible because a) you own entirely too much stuff (the fuck do I have two copies of Bad Boys II?) and b) you have to run to Home Depot to buy a stud finder to hang your pictures and speakers, but that GOT DAMN stud finder needs a 9V battery, because of course it does.
/Stubs toe on new coffee table
//Heads back to Target for the fourth time this week
Football can’t start soon enough.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news & humor before everyone else.