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Fine, Sarah. After this week we’ll do 2 matchups per week and speed this thing up. You happy now? Good. Now that that’s over, it’s time to get back to demeaning professional athletes. Last week, early Ugly Bowl favorite Matt Schaub had a bit of trouble putting the feisty Chris Johnson away, winning victory by a margin of around 5 percent. If he has designs on winning the title, he’d better not rest on his ugly laurels, lest he be overcome by a Glennon or a Woodhead. Speaking of Woodhead, now it’s time to decide the AFC West.

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The Chiefs’ Sean McGrath is the clear underdog here, matching up with the gritty Danny Woodhead, who legitimately looks like he’s having a stroke in this picture.

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Dig a bit deeper, however, and you’ll find that what we really have here is a battle of hair. Can a Santa beard paired with a bald head, overcome the ugly factor of feathered 90’s boy band hair with a douchebag goatee? This question is RobotsFightingDinosaurs’s Key To The Matchup (tm).

It’s time to decide: