winlose

NFL free agency opened on Tuesday, touching off a flurry of transactions. Players got signed. Players got released. It was a regular madhouse out there! Naturally, when so much transactin’ goes on, the public needs it neatly summarized by people who know nothing more than they do. That’s where sportswriters come in! But how did those Day 1 recaps fare? Let’s take a look!

Winners: Writers who identified which players got a lot of money

Nice work! Looking at a contract and deciding that it is worth lots of money is important part of analyzing free agency.

Loser: The teams that lost players or didn’t get the free agent they coveted.

LOLZ. Epic fail!

Winner: The player that got more money than he’s worth.

Wow, you win at getting that bank, bro!

Loser: The team that paid a player too much money.

Good thing most of it isn’t guaranteed, huh?

Winner: The team that paid a player less than his market value.

That’s just good cap management.

Loser: The player that got less money than he could have made.

Fire your agent! Fire your agent! The fun thing about free agency is that even when smart deals are made, you can call someone a loser for it.

Winner: The transience of memory.

Let’s say a writer called the Chiefs big losers for letting most of their starting offensive line sign elsewhere. But what if Kansas City doesn’t actually struggle because of it? Good news! Chances are most people will forget what was written seconds after closing the browser tab.

Loser: The Chiefs

Just kidding. They’re totally screwed. No way they have a backup plan or long-term strategy or anything like that.

Winner: Binary assessments of complex situations

IF YOU AIN’T A WINNER, YOU A LOSER

Loser: Nuance.

Fuck that shit, am I right?