teddy bridgewater

First name: Teddy

Last name: Bridgewater

Nickname: Gump (Great Under Major Pressure)

Earned? I guess.

Size: Significantly bigger and taller than Russell Wilson and Drew Brees.

And yet: Pssh, he’s undersized.

Position: Quarterbback

From: Miami

Looks like he’s from: West Texas, in the 1980′s.

College: Louisville, arrived early and graduated early

High school: Miami Northwestern, graduated early

Other famous alumnus: Trina, Trick Daddy and lots of football players.

Year: Junior

Age: 21

Parents: Rose Murphy

Major: Sports administration

What that means: Whoever drafts him is also getting a front office employee. That’s a twofer.

40 yard dash: Didn’t run.

Asshole’s explanation: He’s scared of putting up a bad time.

Teddy’s likely rationale: There is absolutely no upside to running, so what’s the point?

Combine results: He didn’t throw either.

Seriously? Why not? Because he wasn’t familiar with the receivers.

Oh, he has an answer for everything. Yup.

Twitter: @teddyb_h2o

Get the fuck outta here: No, I cannot, it’s serious.

What his Twitter bio tells us: He really likes his nickname.

What his tweets tell us: No, he really likes his nickname. #GUMP

Appropriate song that accompanies his YouTube highlight video: No words, just an instrumental.

Potential Berman nicknames: Teddy Bridge-”Over Troubled”-water

Unrelated image that show up in Google Image Search: This guy!

Nicest comparison: Beyonce

Meanest comparison: Scary Beyonce

Strengths: Accuracy, preparation, intelligence

Weaknesses: Arm strength, size, athleticism

Loved by: Flubby

Hated by: Fans of teams who really want Johnny Manziel for some reason.

Best puff piece: MMQB

Where he’ll go: Minnesota, if they’re really really fortunate.

What scouts are saying: Small hands and no 40 time? PASS.

What Nolan Nawrocki is (probably) saying: A black quarterback who doesn’t run or throw the ball 70 yards? I’m calling bullshit, guys.

Question he was probably asked over and over during Combine interviews: No questions, just scouts throwing tasty morsels across the room with stopwatches in hand.

Impact: Be Russell Wilson or get the fuck out.

Top image from John David Mercer of USA TODAY Sports via Gamedayr