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Name: Darqueze Dennard

DAHKIES?: No, Tommy, it’s Dar-qwezz.

YEAH, BUT STILL: Shut up, Tommy.

Nicknames: “Country” and “No Fly Zone”

Height: 5’11″

Weight: 199 lbs

Why he’s not a nice even 6’0″ and 200 lbs: Trying so hard to be alt.

Position: CB

College: Michigan State

Year: Senior

Hometown: Dry Branch, GA

Which has no stoplights because: That shit’s country.

High school: Twiggs County (GA)

Famous alumni: How am I supposed to know that if they don’t even have a Wikipedia page? Help me help you, Twiggs.

Age: 22

Parent: Lisa Curry

Grandparents: “Claude Curry, had worked at the chalk mine while his grandmother, Peggy, put in years at the local zipper factory.”

Where did you see that Dickensian shit? MLive

Girlfriend: No results on Twitter.

Scout’s take: We’re not lookin’ for a Michael Sam type, fella.

Major: Communications

What that means: He’s a a star athlete in a big-money sport at a state school.

40 yard dash: 4.42

Twitter: @DDennard_31

What his Twitter bio tells us: He’s blessed.

What his tweets tell us: When wheels are up, you’re going to know about it.

Appropriate song that accompanies his YouTube highlight video: Till I Collapse, because it’s usually white people making these highlight packages.

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Potential Berman nickname: Nothing that won’t get him in trouble, somehow.

Weird line from his NFL.com draft bio: “Knotty calves and thin ankles”

Less weird when you realize that his NFL.com draft bio was written by Nolan Nawrocki and edited by: This bro.

Nicest comparison: Deion Sanders

Meanest comparison: Darrelle Revis

That seems positive: Eh, those were the only two I’ve seen.

Strengths: Strong, skilled and faster than expected.

Weaknesses: Did you not see the thing about his knotty calves and skinny ankles? Wait, is that a bad thing or a good thing? Is one good and one bad? I don’t know what the lower legs of 22 year old cornerbacks are supposed to look like.

Loved by: #BEASTLANSING

Hated by: Your jerkass friend who went to Michigan

Where he’ll go: Mike Tomlin attended his pro day, so let’s go with the Steelers.

What scouts are saying: “Hey, is that Mike Tomlin?”

What Nolan Nawrocki is saying: He called a black corner “deceptively fast,” so he’s not racist, guys.

Impact: Better than cousin Alfonzo.

Top image via Detroit Free Press