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Few things are as insufferable than a job interview with an human resources manager looking to get a read on a potential employee through unlikely scenarios and the pseudoscience of organizational behavior and psychometrics. I know because I used to conduct such interviews and would often attend HR seminars at my employers’ behest just to spend a few hours taking notes and occasionally rolling my eyes. But hey, they were a good excuse to expense a “travel” lunch.

It seems that the Browns new management also attended the same seminars about how to judge a potential employee’s problem solving skills. The team reportedly asked recruits at the combine, “to name all the things I could do with a single brick in one minute” and ”How many different things can you think of that you can do with a paper clip?” We can only hope the recruit answered, “scrape the wax out of my ears” just to see the reaction that got from the medical staff. Playing in the NFL might be one of the few jobs where a willingness to your body in harms way would be considered a positive.

One can only imagine the rest of the questions the Browns had in the folder marked TOP SECRET RECRUITING QUESTIONS FOR BROWNS EYES ONLY DO NOT READ ESPECIALLY RAVENS EMPLOYEES WE HATE YOU WE HATE YOU.

  • How do you feel about becoming friends with your coworkers?
  • What animal would you be and why?
  • What type of boss inspires you?
  • How do you inspire your coworkers?
  • If a train leaves Albuquerque at 10pm going 75 miles an hour and a train leaves Dallas at 9:30 going 65 miles an hour, which train will get to Amarillo first?
  • If they made a movie about your life, who would play you?
  • If you could have dinner with any person who has ever lived, who would you have dinner with?
  • If you could have dinner with any character from The Game of Thrones, who would you have dinner with?
  • If you could be at any truck stop in the world, which truck stop would you be at right now?
  • What type of shoe are you?
  • What is your favorite tree and why?
  • Are you a Mario, Wario or a Luigi?
  • If you had to build a bridge, what would be your first step?
  • How often do you like to text message with your teammates?
  • You’re stuck in an underwater laboratory armed only with a pack of strawberry Pocky, a lasso, a rabid beaver, two rolls of 35mm film and Samuel L. Jackson. How do you get back to the surface before you run out of air?

Word association time. What is the first thing you think of when you hear the following words:

  • Orange
  • Brown
  • Dog pound
  • Snow
  • Brownies
  • Bernie Kosar
  • Bengal tigers
  • Towels
  • Ravens
  • Factory
  • Sadness
  • Ohio

The final two words seem to be a trick question, because we all know Ohio always immediately follows sadness.

[H/T Akron Beacon Journal, NFL.com via Deadspin]