dansnow

It’s another fine snow day in the D.C. area. Let’s build a snowman, shall we?

1. Ugh. This isn’t good packing snow. Spend $10 million to have a different layer of snow imported from Canada.

2. Before getting started, set up your own media apparatus to exclaim how awesome your snowman looks.

3. Dictate before construction that the snowman cannot be taller than you. Just ’cause.

4. Name snowman ICE INJUN.

5. Hire imposter Inuit (real name: Walter) to defend name as respectful.

6. Compile staff of yes-men to build snowman for you.

7. No, no, no. That base level looks off. Dismantle base, hire new yes-men and start over.

8. No, no, no. That base level looks off. Dismantle base, hire new yes-men and start over.

9. No, no, no. That base level looks off. Dismantle base, hire new yes-men and start over.

10. Base level complete. Host celebrity gala and have nearby trees cleared so base level is more visible.

11. Charge public $10 per view of base level of snowman.

12. File endless array of lawsuits against others who have built a snowman in similar fashion.

13. Snow melts. Blame defeatist media for driving up the temperature with scalding negativity.

14. Repeat process with football team.