First name: Blake
Last name: Bortles
Hey, that sounds like the name of: An off-brand Muppet.
College: Central Florida
High school: Oviedo
Other famous alumnus: Badass Billy Gunn
Not Road Dogg?: Believe it or not, he’s not from Florida.
Year: Redshirt Junior
Parents: Rob and Suzy
Girlfriend: Lindsey Duke
Major: Interpersonal/Organizational Communication
What is that?: Sending emails, mostly.
40 yard dash: 4.78
Combine goal: Be above average at everything. Shoot for the stars, son.
Website: None, and yes, that makes Darren Rovell sick.
What his Twitter bio tells us: He’s in Orlando.
What his tweets tell us: He’s really looking forward to the Combine, and if you mention him in a tweet there’s a decent chance he’ll retweet you.
Appropriate song that accompanies his YouTube highlight video: Monster by Imagine Dragons
I kept watching that waiting for Kendrick Lamar: Yeah, he’s not actually in the band. Sorry.
Potential Berman nicknames: Bortlemania, Meet the Bortles, Bortles For Sale, Introducing the Bortles… He might just trot out a different Beatles joke every week.
What shows up in a Google Image Search for “Blake Bortles”: Lindsey Duke’s huge boobs, occasionally posing next to her boyfriend Blake Bortles.
Number of Google results for Blake Bortles: 538,000
Number of Google results for Lindsey Duke: 8,880,000
What George O’Leary says about this: “She’s deserves six million Googles.”
Old people who lie on resumes say the darndest things: Yep.
What George O’Leary says about Blake Bortles: He’s not a franchise quarterback.
What George O’Leary meant when he said that thing about franchise quarterbacks: He’s not an instant starter from day-one, but has the tools to develop into one.
Unrelated image that show up in Google Image Search: Nope, just boobs.
Nicest comparison: Cam Newton
Meanest comparison: Blaine Gabbert
Creepy Gil Brandt comparison: Matt Leinart’s face on Ben Roethlisberger’s body.
George O’Leary comparison: A clipboard holder.
Strengths: Size, athleticism and playmaking.
Weaknesses: Arm strength.
Loved by: Floridians who aren’t affiliated with Florida, FSU or Miami.
Hated by: Fans of the team that drafts him, three years from now.
Where he’ll go: Jacksonville, please!
What scouts are saying: HE’S NOT THAT GREAT, YOU GUYS.
What Nolan Nawrocki is (probably) saying: Quarterbacks with attractive girlfriends are not to be trusted. Show me a BMOC who dates a homely girl and I’ll show you a leader.
Question he can be expected to answer over and over during Combine interviews: How does Lindsey feel about Hard Knockers? KNOCKS! HARD KNOCKS. How does Lindsey feel about the show Hard Knocks? Also, are her boobs real?
Impact: Sits. Starts. Sits again. Goes somewhere else, where he Sits. Then somebody gets hurt and he starts! It goes poorly.
I want more like this!
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