You know what’s more fun than the Pro Bowl? Well, most things, I guess. But the specific thing that’s better than the Pro Bowl that I was talking about is the KSK Ugly Bowl. Last week, Marshal Yanda AKA Cletus handily dispatched the Ravens’ Marcus Gilbert, and Domata Peko’s hair was too awesome, so he fell to the mighty Doopy Pantz in single ugly combat.
This week, we move to the AFC South, and my most anticipated matchup of the whole damn tournament. Andrew Luck vs. Matt Schaub.
Now, the beard may come, and the beard may go. That much is true. However, no amount (or lack of) facial hair can stop Andrew Luck from looking like that kid in high school that you were pretty much forced to be friends with because nobody else wanted to play Magic: The Gathering with you during lunch and you were too stubborn to admit that spending 40 dollars on that starter pack was a waste of time.
And here, my dear readers, is his opponent.
And no, that is not a picture of Stan, that guy who is high all the time and has been stuck in a middle-management position at Denny’s for 25 years because he’ll never get his life together. No. This is a picture of a man whose life is much, much sadder. This is Matt Schaub. I mean, as if playing for the Texans weren’t punishment enough.
Next up, we have a KSK celebrity! Representing the Jaguars, quarterback Chad Henne. He…he’s a lot less attractive than he looks in that smirk gif, guys.
He just looks so sad. I mean, I would too, but I kind of feel bad jamming salt in the wound. He’s up against another KSK favorite, who will be representing the Titans.
How will CJ2YPC and his scary fucking grill fare against Henne and his crippling depression? Did Andrew Luck’s decision to shave his beard destroy his chances at beating Matt Schaub in the first round of Ugly Bowl voting? That’s down to your votes.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news & humor before everyone else.