Holy shit, guys. You want an intriguing voting process, fraught with drama, excitement, and wonder? Forget Deadspin and Dan Le Batard’s stupid Baseball Hall of Fame stunt, The 2013 National Football League Ugly Bowl is where the real magic happens. Last week, Nick Folk handily defeated the Patriots’ James Develin by a healthy margin, but the matchup the world was watching was Frank Summers v. Brian Hartline. After days of lead-swapping, Frank Summers took the win by a miniscule .62%. It just goes to show– your vote may not matter in the presidential election, or in selecting players for the Pro Bowl, or even when you’re lobbying for your favorite pizza toppings when you have friends over. But here at KSK, we care. And it could be your vote that sends one of these contenders packing or to the next round of contention. Here are our contenders from the AFC North.
First up, we have Marshal Yanda of the Baltimore Ravens. But he seems more like a Cletus to me than a Marshal Yanda, so that’s what I’m going to call him.
Cletus is representing Baltimore against their division rival, the Pittsburgh Steelers, who enter the fray with Marcus Gilbert, a man who looks like a thumb.
For our next AFC matchup, allow me to introduce a KSK favorite. You may know him as Doopy Pantz, you may know him as Dr. Doop, and if you’re a Cleveland fan, you may know him as “GODDAMN IT WEEDEN”. Representing the Browns, and the only hope for Cleveland’s Factory of Sadness to win any kind of playoff game this year, Brandon Weeden.
He’s up against Domata Peko of the Bengals, who will be a divisive figure here depending on whether or not you think NFL defensive tackles should share hairstyles with Finnish death metal bands. I happen to think that all NFL players should share hairstyles with Finnish death metal bands, but that’s just my opinion.
Get your vote on below. As always, polls will close in a week, at which point we’ll move on to the AFC South.
I want more like this!
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