Time to implement a reverse Rooney Rule in the NFL
Let me start off by telling you that Im the leased racist person you will ever meet. I boo Black coaches just as loudly if not MORE loud than I boo White coaches. I was even a early proponent of the Rooney Rule (in its original form) that said that teams were allowed to interview Black people to be head coaches and GMs so you can just stop it right now if your about to play the race card on me. But I also believe that racism goes both ways, and its time for the NFL to look long and hard (no offense to Brett Favre) at replacing the Rooney Rule.
I touched on this in my end of season awards extravaganza, but Im formally calling for the NFL to invent a reverse Rooney Rule, or “Romney Rule” in the NFL. Here it is in its entirety- I just got it back from legal. I faxed this exact document over to the NFLs League Office this morning:
If the President of the US is Black, and racism is officially over, all NFL teams shall be compelled to interview at least one majority to be there head coach before hauling off in the middle of the night and trying to slip a Lovie Smith hire past us when we’re all still bombed on dessert wine and fingerfood. If a team hires a Black, hispanic/Mexican, Native Redskin, or Jewish (lol) Head Coach without first interviewing a Wade Phillips-level White guy, they shall forfeit their first round pick to the team with the most White players at skill positions. (This years draft pick would be awarded to the New England Patriots for their outstanding service in the fields of employing Brady, Edelman, Amendola, Gronkowski, and Mulligan). This rule is designed to keep the NFL as fan-friendly as possible, and if you don’t think its a good idea then YOU are technically the racist one, not me. Please confirm receipt of this transmission.
The original spirit of the Rooney rule was to make sure that the NFLs head coaching positions remained diverse. Well guess what? Diversity for diversitys sake is like running play action to set up the run. Heres a quick question- there are two candidates to coach your team- ones a part-Jewish artist whose a vegetarian and the others a guy in a wheelchair who gets housed on dry martinis by noon every day. Congrats you just hired Hitler again. Why do you keep falling for it?
But I’m not here to compare every thing that you think is good to Hitler. I’m here to talk about Love Smith. Lovie Smith is one of the classiest coaches youll ever see. You talk about a guy whose just all class folks. Lovie classed things up in Chicago- a town thats not exactly known for its leaders and politicans, but Lovies class was enough to make you forget about the other policitical thugs that came from the Windy City. So it seems that in just a year off from coaching, Classy Lovie became the first name on the Bucanneers wishlist. I get it, Lovies a classy guy but there was something fishy about that hire. It happened a little TO fast, and meanwhile there were dozens of qualified White candidates like Eric Mangini and Josh McDaniels and Norv Turner out there who didnt get so much as a sniff. The Bucs knew they wanted a classy Black coach from the word “go,” and there going to be looking back at Greg’s Schianos tenure as “the good old days” shortly. No offense there going from a Players coach in Schiano to a playas coach in Lovie, who exudes class.
The Steelers family invented the Rooney Rule, and for a organiztion who runs itself The Right Way, they got this one wrong. And the fact that Dan Rooney literally only put the Rooney Rule in place so that he could get a job in the Obama administration as a ambassador to Ireland (main job: saying “Actually, Guiness tastes alot better in Ireland then it does in South Pittsburgh”) is literally the definition of irony when you consider that theres a certain guy in the “White” House who only got his job because America wanted to impress all the chicks in South America we’ve had a crush on.
You have to hand it to the Buccs though. They took advantage of a loophole that allowed them to hire immediately without even bringing Tom Cable in for a tour of the office. Very sneaky move but lets just hope that Roger Goodell has the balls that it takes to make a stand for White male Head NFL Coaches who are being marginalized faster then any other race of humans at any time in history. So I’m looking to get us on the right side of History with the “Romney Rule”, this is real hope and change we can believe in America. But if your racist and don’t believe in the Romney Rule your going to have to explain to this innocent disenfranchised face how come he doesnt get a fair shake to be a Head Coach these days: