SUPER BOWL IS TWO WORDS YOU MORON

Apparently last year I was too subtle. I thought a gentle push of satire was more suitable than a mallet over the head. I was wrong. Very, very wrong. Sports fans of all stripes. Writers, journalists (including sportswriters!), editors, listical generators and slashfic authors. By any number of multitudes, they all make the same mistake.

They write Super Bowl as “Superbowl” thus revealing themselves as complete and utter morons and I hate every last one of them for letting something so elementary slip by them.

The Super Bowl is the largest sporting event in this country, the largest broadcast in North America and the second largest televised sporting event in the entire world. It is the the biggest food holiday outside of Thanksgiving in the United States. Do people misspell Thanksgiving with such regularity? No, they do not. So show some gosh-darn respect and spell one of our nation’s great shared experiences correctly.

Even Google thinks you’re an idiot if you try to search for the Superbowl and corrects your mistake without even giving you the option sit there in your wrongness. Search “ham sandwitch” and Google will give you the benefit of the doubt, that maybe you really are looking for a misspelled phrase. It corrects you by giving you ham sandwich and ham sandwitch.

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Search for Superbowl — which might possibly be a local all you-can-eat soup restaurant and not the pinnacle of the country’s most popular sport — and you will only get results for the Super Bowl, because obviously only a complete imbecile would be looking up Superbowl and not Super Bowl.

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So this is what we’re going to do, and I need the KSK Army’s help with my plan. Hopefully together we can finally stop the scourge of the Superbowl with a helpful PSA notice featuring our pal Eli Manning.

Super Bow Eli PSA

Download the above picture. (Don’t worry, I haven’t planted a virus or any sort of tracking cookie in the picture, I’m not that smart.) Put it somewhere handy on your computer and on your phone because you’re going to need it with some frequency during the playoffs. Every single time you see someone use “Superbowl” send them this picture. It’s funny, it’s not mean to the person making the mistake, and who doesn’t like a Little Tikes car? No one. They’re adorable.

Hopefully the gentle, reassuring mnemonic device from Eli will help people remember that Super Bowl is actually two $%#! words and we won’t have to have this same conversation next season.

Hopefully.