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Power agent Leigh Steinberg has written a book about fast times and big money in the NFL. Power agent Leigh Steinberg is now promoting his book by dropping a tasty little anecdote on us in an excerpt released to USA Today: Ryan Leaf really really didn’t want to be picked number one by the Colts.

Leaf apparently would have rather lived in San Diego than Indianapolis like some sort of beachcombing weather-nerd, and he was game for doing anything to eliminate the chance of getting drafted by Indy. Here’s the plan that he and Steinberg came up with to ruin their chances with Indy without there being repercussions that would have him slip lower than the second pick:

“‘If you go to the combine,’ I told Ryan, ‘but fail to show up for a meeting with Mora, that should do it. Jim is a real prideful person who has a tendency to explode. I am not recommending you do this, but if you are desperate to go to San Diego, this is the way,’” Steinberg wrote.

Leaf sought the quarterback job in San Diego “because of the exceptional weather and the more laid-back lifestyle,” Steinberg wrote.

“Ryan approved, but I first cleared the idea with Chargers general manager Bobby Beathard, lest San Diego also question my client’s reliability,” Steinberg wrote. “Beathard went along with the ruse. If he’d had a problem, Ryan would’ve shown up for his meeting with Mora.”

What Steinberg doesn’t write about in his book is that this strategy of disappointing Jim Mora was only necessary due to Leaf’s original plan of throwing his pre-combine interview with Jim Irsay not working out due to severely, severely underestimating what Irsay would consider a “character issue.”

Leaf: (Knocks on door) Hey Jim sorry I’m two hours late for my interview.

DOOR FLIES OPEN

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Irsay: Holy shit it’s 5 PM? I thought you were ten hours early son. Hell. Have a bump.

Leaf: Uh. That’s ok, I’m just here to tell you that I was late because I’m hungover and can’t really be trusted to take responsibility for my own…

Irsay: (rips line) Hell son, when I was your age only thing I showed up on time for was my own orgasms and even when I was on time, SHE WAS LATE HAHAHA. Heh those were the 60s. Or the 80s. Different era. One time I stuffed a hundred tackling dummies with black tar heroin and convinced my Dad to throw ‘em on some Mayflowers and move the damn team! Stuffs worth twice as much in Indy as it is in Maryland HAHAHA I had a money connect in Baltimore but I got in heavy with some bad beat-poets and had to scram. You know what I’m saying.

Leaf: So I just wanted to tell you that I’m not going to be around for OTAs this offseason, I’ve got three kids that are scheduled to be born that week. I just can’t seem to control myself around the women…

Irsay: My man! Know what the best part about having a kid is? Your girl can’t get pregnant when she’s already knocked up HAHAHAHAH! ABBY GET IN HERE! COME SIT ON RYANS LAP! She’ll just sit on your lap my man! She doesn’t mind. Wink at me if you get wood. Hey! Did you bring  those preggos over here? (looks out the blinds for the pregnant women) I thought Leigh’d tell you I’ve got a thing for the preggos. I like my women like I like my benders: 5-7 months! HAHAHAHA! Wish you would’ve brought those Leaf-blowers over my man we could party, feel each other out, see if you’ve got what it takes to be an Indy guy.

Leaf: I’m not sure I do Mr. Irsay. I’m dropping out of school and partying in Cancun for a few weeks instead of doing the whole Pro Day/Combine thing. If you don’t like it, well maybe I’m not your quarterback.

Irsay: Hey! You got a guy down in Cancun? I will straight up my man (rips line) straight up go down there with you. I love to party. I just gotta ‘member to not smuggle things back again. Last time I got pulled over at security with a Samsonite filled with a jar of mescaline and the torso of a young mexican zookeeper so I gotta remember not to do that again. I had to bribe ‘em by selling Abby’s mom here into white slavery. Sorry Abs. She was a good sport about it though. You gettin wood Ryan? I’m gettin’ wood. HAHAHA Abby’ll tell ya I’ve got a hair-trigger!!! (whispers) Between you and me, I’m totally bare downstairs though. Smooth. As. Silk.

Leaf: You know Mr. Irsay I’d love to stay and chat but I promised my marijuana dealer I’d buy some of his pot drugs tonight. Going to get pretty stoned and eat things I ought not eat.

Irsay: Weed huh? That’s chicken shit shit. I’ve got some meth and percocets right here son, it’d be impolite to not cut a few with me what do you say?

Leaf: Well maybe just once…

/Ryan Leaf wakes up 14 years later in a Montana jail