mike vick

Yesterday over on Philly.com, which is basically Florida Man if he wore a first down jacket, Jimmy Kempski spoke with a woman who has published a memoir called “Quarterback Keeper” about her time living around and having sex with Michael Vick, circa 2003-2011. The woman, whose real name is Kiana but goes by the very prestigious nom de plume of “Bella Escritor” which loosely translates to “Writer with the name of every female staffordshire terrier born since 1997,” worked as a stripper when she met Vick in 2003. She would become close with Vick, close to enough to be able to tell first-hand accounts of the massive orgies Vick would have at his house. Among the claims that Ms. Escritor submits for your perusal:

- Vick’s sexual orientation (she says he’s straight).
Sex parties at Vick’s home in which Vick and his secret lover would sneak around to other rooms and watch other couples having sex.
– An incident in which she cuddled a puppy, and Vick told her to stop it, because it would make the puppy “soft.” She surmised that the puppy was probably made to be one of the dogfighters.
– Vick’s relationship with a family member she only refers to as “Baby Brother.”

I’ve never once been invited to a “sex party” in first place, but I’d imagine that a Mike Vick sex party would put your run-of-the-mill orgies to shame. You wouldn’t be able to tell where the K-Y ended and the Abreva began.

She also touches on Vick’s icy relationship with Andy Reid (he would only refer to him as “The Coach”), and how Reid was convincing Michael to cut Marcus off entirely from his life. In this excerpt, Escritor seems to allude to the fact that Marcus may have had something to do with that shooting outside of Michael’s 30th birthday:

I wasn’t at the birthday party and I didn’t know who did what. All I knew at that point was something about cake being thrown around, a disrespectful former dog-fighting co-defendant showing up and getting shot outside of the club. Vick didn’t fill me in on every single thing that happened either, he just told me what I think he needed me to hear. What he said was enough for me to kind of know who did it and what for. He kept talking in this sad kind of tone about how much he loved his brother and would do anything for him, but in order for him to keep his job, he was going to have to take every one’s advice, including his Coach, and cut his brother off.

Escritor’s kickstarter to fund this project was set for $22,000, but she only received $230. The author submits love letters from Vick when he was locked up as proof, and claims she has a picture of his “bird.” Sounds airtight to me. We should all take Ms. Escritor at her word, she’s earned that much from us, even if her friends and family don’t seem to trust her.  The book is available for sale at www.QuarterbackKeeper.com if you’re looking for a nice Valentine’s Day gift for your loved one.