Packers

Yup, it’s that time again.

Time to take the excellent logos that designers slaved over and tear them a new one. Time to take those sweet perfect icons of million dollar teams and contort them for the sake of a bad joke. Time to destroy what we love. It’s time to redesign the logos once again.

teased twitter yesterday with an image of the Patriots logo as a Hipster. Well, that’s my goal this time. To take the logos and bring them back underground, before they were cool. I live in Portland, the Hipster Mecca (although Colorado/Washington legalizing weed has changed that) and I could use an outlet to stick it to the weirdos I deal with day in and day out. The logos are organized by division, in case one of them stumps you.

Patriots

Boston? Feh. I’m from Foxboro. You’ve probably never been there, it’s way out of the way in the middle of the woods. Only the right people get invited.

Jets

Yeah, I know you like that other New York Team. The Big Blue whatevers, but we’re totally the cool ones, ya know. We were kissing reporters before it was cool.

Bills

Yeah, I used to go to the super bowl a lot, back when it was interesting. It sold out, man, I’m not going back.

Dolphins

Land is too mainstream

Titans

I only drink this during parties man, you have any idea how good this beer is? Of course you don’t. Go watch Blue Velvet and tell me this isn’t the best beer ever

Texans

So what if I don’t wear actual vintage shoes? What of it? Real vintage falls apart and I want to be comfortable while I disappoint my parents.

Colts

I used to live in Baltimore, back before it went all “The Wire”. I heard the meth was better in Indy so I hitched a ride one night. You should have seen how mad my friends were.

Jaguars

Nobody roots for us, and that’s just the way I like it. No crowds, only raw football. Plus, I totally know Chad Henne, he can hook us up, know what I’m saying

Bengals

I’ve gone to the playoffs these past few years, but if you ask me man it’s gotten too big for itself. Too much glitz, all the celebrities got involved and pushed out all the smaller acts. Screw that.

Browns

I cannot believe plaid went out of style, it’s like a bunch of morons run the planet or something. It’s like they hired some beautiful man to create a new fabric, then fired him after just one year. What’s wrong with this story, man?

Steelers

I drive a Subaru. What of it. it holds my vintage coffee mug collection.

Ravens

I came to Baltimore for some real grit, also because my girlfriend dumped me and I was homeless. She kept asking for me back but I said no way, time to set out on my own and find B-More’s sweet underground hip hop scene. I don’t like hip hop, but that doesn’t matter.

Chiefs

When I hang out in other people’s gardens eating their flowers nothing sets me straight like a great IPA. Hops just set my love for life on fire, man, especially if it comes with a subtle citrus finish.

Chargers

Instagram literally runs my life. I can send Becki every single breakfast I eat for eternity why would anyone ever deny themselves such pleasure. Hold on, I need to check my tumblr

broncos

This ink on my neck represents my love of the obscure indie band Whiskey Anus. They broke up after one song but they will live forever.

Raiders

I lived in San Francisco for a while, but I got tired of paying $3,700 a month for 2 square feet in the Mission. Oakland is way more laid back, you just gotta get past the death and all

Giants

Of course it’s Helvetica, what do I look like, some plebe? Alright fine, it’s Arial. I’m a poser. Let me go commit suicide by placing my head inside a subwoofer during a bass drop.

Eagles

Why would I throw batteries at people? I’d rather hit them with free range goat’s milk.

Cowboys

What do you mean you have an android phone? We can’t be friends.

Redskins

I’m really offended by the Redskins name, but I’m more angry about the name FedEx field. Why did you sell out DC like that? How could you?

Falcons

You know Atlanta burned for a long time before it was cool.

Bucs

I’m not actually Gluten Intolerant, I just like to tell people I am

Saints

Do you own an MP3? We can’t be friends. Don’t you know real music is on Vinyl? Your taste sickens me.

Panthers

No I don’t need these 3d glasses. Who cares if it hurts my eyes, have you ever smoked weed with these things on

Packers

I took the brakes off my bike. I don’t need them. Brakes are for squares.

Bears

Of course my hair looks like a mess because of the wind. You’d never be able to tell I actually spend 2 hours in front of a mirror every day setting it that way on purpose

Lions

I love Detroit. You can find a huge abandoned place to live everywhere. The dead bodies are great fertilizer for your wheat grass

Vikings

I love the cold up here. Since my skinny jeans don’t reach my feet I have a sweet frostbite tan going on. Dead skin is totally in right now.

Seahawks

I spend so much time in my local coffee shop they asked me to pay rent

49ers

I only watch Organic football. Yeah, it’s more expensive, but it’s so much better for you. I can’t put that junk football in my body, do you even know what you’re doing to yourself with that? Gross

Arizona

No one lives here but old people and illegal aliens. I can get vintage clothing and cheap knockoffs all in the same city block!

Rams

I wish I could go to the 18th century so I could get some drapes for my co-op.


 

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And down goes another set of 32 logo jokes. If you need more, here are my past 32 team projects:
Fat Logos
British Logos
Manning Logos
Uniform redesigns
QB-Mascot photoshops