carwoo

They don’t take their wrasslin’ disputes lightly in the Carolinas.

Earlier this week we talked about how the Carolina Panthers have cut off all communications with their one-time unofficial mascot and motivational speaker, Ric Flair. The team was upset at his heel turn, supporting the San Francisco 49ers in their Wild Card matchup against the Packers. Well the long stiff-arm of the law in Mecklenburg County is going to keep Flair away from Bank Of America stadium in today’s playoff game.

Per the Charlotte Business Journal, it seems Mr. Flair has an outstanding warrant for his arrest in the greater Charlotte area due to his longstanding policy of not paying $32,352.51 worth of alimony and legal fees that he currently owes. The warrant indicates that if Flair is arrested, he “shall remain in the custody of the Mecklenburg County Sheriff until he pays all sums required…”

If we know anything about Ric, it’s that he’s a consummate entertainer. I’m looking forward to the end of the game unravelling something like this:

Joe Buck: Cam Newton drops back for the hail mary- and the win. He airs it out to Steve Smith into the end-zone… incomplete. 49ers win! Wait, wait now. There’s a flag on the field.

Troy Aikman: Not sure what this could be here Joe.

Referee Carl Cheffers: We have a penalty on the last play.

/2001 odyssey music plays

Joe Buck: Wait a second. That’s not Carl Cheffers…

//referee takes off prosthetic face and referee shirt. It’s Ric Flair.

Referee Ric Flair: (is wearing 49ers T-Shirt. Struts. Crowd is going nuts booing him.)

/tears off 49ers T-Shirt to reveal Panthers chest paint.

ON THE DEFENSE. BALL WILL BE PLACED AT THE 1. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! One more untimed down. Woooooooooooooooooo! (Half of the Charlotte crowd dies of a heart attack but it’s exactly the way they would have wanted to go out.)

/Flair is arrested by Sgt. Slaughter at midfield. Panthers kick a 18 yard FG for the win.