• Those scamps over at Next Media Animation are at it again, this time with their take on the Colts-Patriots Wild Card matchup. Brady is SEX AND THE CITY, Luck is HOT SHOTS. Feels like they both got the raw end of the deal at the video store. 

  • Over on TMZ, the paparazzi managed to catch up with Lions kicker Sam Martin and David Arquette outside of an LA nightclub  – still cannot get over the idea that someone thought a British-themed nightclub was a good idea, but here we are — where Martin and Arquette proclaimed Detroit will win the Super Bowl… in 2015. (Conf. to Martin: cave canem.) 
  • In probably useful tailgating news, the LA Times would like you to know you can put out a fire with beer. No recommendations on how to refrain from killing the fire starter for wasting your beer.
  • The AV Club has launched a football column now that football season is almost over. If you need me, I’ll be over here adding names to my burn book.
  • Apparently Boomer Esiason got a contact high while calling a Chiefs-Patriots game and had one of his broadcasts of his career. Really? Huh. Who wants to join me in making special brownies care packages to send all of our talking head friends? Double the dose for Joe Buck.
  • The NFL is claiming two individual players, David Bakhtiari and Keenan Lewis, willing broke concussion protocol last weekend. Nothing like shifting blame back onto players who think they’re Batman.
  • Ufford wrote a lot of words about Marshawn Lynch’s 67-yard “Beast Quake” over on SBN. You better read them all, as there will be a test.
  • In an effort to keep the reading list fair and balanced, the Wall Street Journal’s Kevin Clark and Jonathan Clegg think the Seahawks get away with way too much pass interference and defense holding. Wonder which BW3 they did that hot take/research from.
  • Wonder if we can get someone to sell us their Football Hall of Fame ballot now that 15 finalists have been announced. #FreeKevinGreene