Jim Harbaugh

[via]

(Below, please find an excerpt from a guest editorial for the San Francisco Chronicle written by a “Bim Flarbaugh”.)

[...]Jim Harbaugh, a confident, healthy male football coach, told reporters today that beating the Carolina Panthers in a playoff game makes him feel like “a strong, mighty man“, confirming rumors that not only is Jim Harbaugh an incredibly talented, intelligent, savvy and attractive coach, but also that nothing has changed and he could still definitely beat his older brother up right now if he felt like it.

Furthermore, while his team triumphs and the Baltimore Ravens are saddled with franchise QB Joe Flacco who struggled late in the season, it appears as if IT’S MY TURN NOW, YOU BASTARD.  IF YOU THINK I FORGOT ABOUT LAST YEAR YOU HAVE ANOTHER GODDAMN THING COMING.  I’LL RIP OUT YOUR SPINE AND USE IT TO FLAVOR A BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP FOR THANKSGIVING NEXT YEAR.  AND OH, WHO’S IN THE PLAYOFFS NOW YOU FUCK?  WHO?  WHO’S ONE GAME FROM THE SUPER BOWL?  IT’S ME YOU GIGANTIC TAINT STAIN[...]

(The rest of the editorial is a long string of obscenities, and has been cut so as to preserve this website’s family friendly image.)