I don’t know if you’ve heard, but we have a football game this weekend. It’s kind of a big deal. You know what that means? It means party. Party time. Bust out the BBQs, stock up on salsa, get your beer ready cause here. we. go. So you are going to a Super Bowl party. Maybe it’s your friend’s house. Maybe it’s at the local watering hole. Maybe it’s in your pants and everyone’s invited. But who shows up to Super Bowl parties? I have compiled an extensive list of blatant stereotypes so that when it’s time for you to meet people, you can unfairly label them. Let’s begin.

Lateguy

Loud guy just wants to have a good time, doesn’t watch the game but spends most of it hitting on Loud Girl and playing drinking games. He gets inebriated early and celebrates at random moments, and fills the air with WOOOOOOO


 

Loud

Hangs out with Loud Guy, may or may not want in his pants. Is more obnoxious than he is and more clueless about the sport. Randomly shouts GO (TEEEAAAMMM) WOOOOOOOOO and in general tries too hard.


 

pig

He’s there for the free food. Of course, the party was Bring Your Own Beer, but he (Whoops!) forgot, or brought a single 40. He spends the rest of the night eating the food and then asks you for any leftovers.


 

Knowitall

Corrects you whenever you say something wrong. Doesn’t matter if you are venting frustration or just getting a player mixed up, he will be sure to inform you of your error. Will be ignored and shunned by the end of the game and wonder why no one wants to talk to him.


 

Intense

Has a stake in the game, as his team is playing. Will sit very quietly in the front row, seemingly oblivious to all mirth around him. Will not drink anything but water. Talks to himself during commercial breaks about how his team needs to fix things. Can cause entire rooms to go completely silent and slink away simply with one yelled word.


 

Drunk

Loud guy with poor alcohol tolerance. Spends the entire game blasted, falls down mimicking half time show dances, passed out by 4th quarter.


 

Commercial

Doesn’t care about the game, he just wants to watch the commercials and gets everyone to shut up during ad breaks. Goes AWWWW at the Bud horses and rates commercials as they happen, then talks to you about them like you care.


 

Gambler

Picked the game, but didn’t put some small amount on the victor, but 100+ dollars on it. Stays smug and happy until the 4th quarter when he realizes how stupid his bet was


 

Clueless

Has no idea how the game of football is played, People will attempt to explain things, but will give up as it becomes obvious it is a hopeless endeavor.


 

carebear

Just really loves the game of football. Doesn’t care about the commercials, or the stakes involved, just wants to watch some football. Will be sociable and amiable at first, but by the end of the game will be watching it off in another room on a small TV together with Intense Guy.


 

pot

Didn’t really want him there, but you needed the supply and he had nothing better to do. Hangs out on the porch giving blunts to people taking a break and occasionally comes in and looks puzzled.


 

Noshow

You invited them, and wanted them to show up, but they texted you “something came up” and you find out later they went to a different party and blew you off. The jerk.


 

Girlball

Knows more about the game of football than 90% of the men there, but no one takes her seriously even as she’s calling things out as they happen with startling accuracy. But she’s used to it and will tune out everyone but her extremely lucky boyfriend.


 

Horndog

He just wants to get laid. Waits for teams to score points then swoops in and celebrates with the ladies.


 

Fantasy

Fantasy was over weeks ago but he still wants to mention how his team fared this season in his league and don’t you know he won it and wow no one cares


 

Dumb

Gets points for being enthusiastic, but clearly doesn’t understand the game of football very well. Calls for flags when there rightfully is no reason to throw one, yells at players no longer on the team, is confused by the concept of clock management.


Host

WE SCORED! HIGH FIVES! ALL OF THE HIGH FIVES! OH YEAH WAIT WHAT? FLAG?!?! NOOOO! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! THAT CALL IS HORSESHIT REF YOU SUCK *throws hat*


 

bandwagon

Never seemed to care about football before, yet shows up wearing an entire ensemble of team clothes that were just purchased in the last week or so, talks up a big game. When accused of being a bandwagoner will assure you that they have been a fan their whole life, because they lived in such and such place for a bit as a kid. If their team loses will say WE GOT IT NEXT SEASON and will never wear those clothes again.


 

Anti-you

Oh, who are you rooting for? The Seahawks? WELL GO BRONCOS!<br />Will deliberately pick against the general favorite team of the party and will be an obnoxious dick everytime the crowd gets mad. Not rooting for a team, just against yours.


 

Dontwant

maybe a roommate who had no other place to go during the game, or the significant other of a football fan. Irregardless, clearly doesn’t want to be there. Will end up smoking pot with the Pot Head or making out with the Horn Dog by night’s end.


And keep in mind, most of these can be combined into combo fans. The Loud Girl who simply roots against your team. The Bandwagon dumb fan. The Pot Head getting the munchies and turning into the pig. It’s fun! So this weekend when you are hanging out at your party, go ahead and play party goer bingo.