Throw a steak on the grill and put your blow job gettin’ pants on, because WE’RE PARTYING TONIGHT MEN.

Jets owner Woody Johnson announced after his team’s 20-7 victory over the Dolphins that head coach Rex Ryan would be welcome back in 2014, meaning the NFL’s loudest and most cherished personality has preemptively survived tomorrow’s Black Monday onslaught.

While the decision was made public following the game, apparently Rex was informed of his fate beforehand:

Oh, to be a fly on the ripped out pages of Penthouse plastered on the wall of that locker room. I wonder how it went down?

Woody: Rex, I’m thrilled to finally put an end this charade. We’d love to have you back next season.

Rex: NO SHIT YOU WOULD PENCIL DICK. BUT WHO’S THIS CHARADE? A STRIPPER? SOUNDS LIKE A GAL I’D LIKE TO PUT AN END TO IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. HAVE HER MEET ME AND MY MEN HERE AFTER THE GAME, DIRTY FEET AND ALL. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE!

Anyway, Rex will be back next year, and those of us here at KSK are certainly grateful. Oh, what’s that Mr. Johnson? You’ve got something else you’d like to say?

(Cell phone flies open)