Certificate Of Merit Dec 10

As Lord Joe Don Looney said in a game day thread earlier this week, “Welcome to the Kommenter zone. Let the hate flow through you.” I am your host Sarah Sprague and these are your Kommentariat Komments of the Week for December 10, 2013.

But before we get to the comments, KSKer RubleysRevenge suggested a fun game in the comments of the Even Honey Badgers Get Bullied By Darnell Dockett post:

I enjoy playing the game of Guess Which KSK Writer wrote an article if I don’t notice it at the top of the post right away. Sarah’s are fairly easy to spot if the post is long enough. Still have trouble figuring out which ones belong to PFTC, though, folks.

My apologies for mine or anyone else’s spelling or grammatical errors this week, especially if they have become so frequent as to confuse us with the subtle genius of PFTCommenter. Although I do believe this is an impressive statement on the strength of Tunison’s editorial leadership that the site can run pretty seamlessly without any lag in quality dick jokes between contributors.

One final note before we get to the best of the best, but not for nothing I think it might be a little early to plan the KSK orgy as was happening in yesterday’s Your Guide To The Transit Hell That Will Be The Super Bowl post. If you stock up on blue and orange colored lube this early, it’s just going to lead to disappointment in the divisional round of the playoffs. Trust me.

Kissing Suzy Kolber Challenges Pete Prisco To Fight In The Squared Circle


One way to make the Pro Bowl more interesting would be to let the players commit whatever uniform violations they want, like wearing jolts (Editor’s note: “jorts” was replaced by autocorrect.-ss) or wearing a comically oversized jockstrap

Cowboys-Bears MNF Live Blog, First Half

Mike McCarthyism

I think we know how useless a Princeton education is when Bill Callahan takes one of your responsibilities away.

The 49ers Would Prefer You Not Stand At Their Games

Horatio Cornblower

Fan: “I’m seated at the 50 yard line in the front row and there’s a man in front of me who’s been screaming obscenities all game”

49ers Gofer: “That’s Coach Harbaugh Sir and there’s nothing we can do about it.”

Injuries To Adrian Peterson, Gronk Further Proof That Week 14 Is The Beginning Of The End Of Days


Gronkowski is more like a living Uproxx badge.

Week 14 Late Games Open Thread


Does ACL now stand for Alcohol Collection Liver? Because that would make sense that Gronk tore that.

Spruce Moose

The 49ers had to remove all the mirrors from their facilities because of Whitner’s love of talking trash to strangers.


Gore’s got mall security speed.

Week 14 Early Games Open Thread


Serves me right for putting all my hopes on the Browns.

Ugly Bowl Voting: NFC North

make it snow

Baca looks like a Christmas ham that wished to turn into a real boy.

Gary Kubiak Got Fired

Monty this seems strange to me

Wow, what a stroke of bad luck for Kubiak.

Texans-Jaguars Battle For First Pick Live Blog

Mike Wallace and Gromit


The 49ers Tell Their Fans How To Cheer


“Make your trip to Candlestick both fun & safe for the whole family! Be sure to strap phone books to you midsection to avoid any unnecessary damage that may occur when a knife enters your rib cage.”

Drunk Vikings Fan Takes A Spill


Depending upon who the Vikes were playing that day, he might have gained more yardage than the entire offense.

Horatio Cornblower

All you need to know about why people would rather stay home and watch the game on TV is perfectly encapsulated in these 24 seconds. Two small children watching an incredibly drunk idiot stumble around and then fall down and over five rows of seats while another drunken idiot screams “I fucking love you” at the top of his lungs while filming the whole thing.

Also the Vikings are playing.

What’s A Fitting Punishment For The Last Place Finisher In Your Fantasy League?


Book report on Atlas Shrugged

YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Mike Tomlin Fined $100K, Draft Penalty Still Possible


Considering PIT’s last few years have been spent kneeling in the center of their own draftkakke you’d think the NFL would penalize them with more picks, not fewer.

Funny because it’s true.