pftcommenter

Im the alltime Thumbs-Up record holder at ProFootballTalk and I use to think I was a pretty good internet commenter… until I read this.


Well folks Im not sure what else I have to offer you after this colum, Im thinking about hanging up the zubaz and moving on to other things because I will leterally NEVER be able to comment harder then this guy. I typically regard myself as being a ELITE NFL commenter but I feel like Im Peyton Manning and I just marched into Foxboro in January folks.

Todays take was sent to me by Uproxx user SeanPaytonsPlaysheet. He simply sent me a link to yesterdays all-22 Cowboys-Packers film analysis column by Sports Illustrateds own Doug Farrar. I thought Id have to sort through the takes on my own but nope there it was right at the top. Here it is folks prepare yourselves:

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I am a cowboy fan since i was a kid, i have never seen a quarterback from the cowboys or a coach make so many mistakes to literally shoot themselves on the foot. I  was so upset when  he through the interception and i was so disappointed also,i cant believe the organization has come so far as to basically forget all about fundamental of football, i here romo speak of improving and improving and as a leader you have to give the example, are you personally improving your game,i need you to  walk the walk and you speak of improving then do it,as  a team you need to improve., the defense needs  to improve , the defense is way to pridicatabe, you need to blitz,then drop back into zone,disguise your defense,go one on one and then go cover two,way to predicable, and your not aggresive enough,way to tidmid to laid back playing to loose instead of winning,im calling you out are you a real cowboy  can you ride,that bull comes out do you know what to do, i need cowboys with heart im calling all cowboys every where if you can here me i need you to play with a fury all of texas im calling all cowboys out there in the fields if you can tackle show up cause we need you…i  ask this  as  a cowboy fan  we got to round them up we need to unite, anyone out there that can tackle show up we need some real men. men like too tall jones who would nt  go out because he broke his nail, men like woodson who fought wars they had to drag them off the field,  guy like emmit  smith who would play with busted shoulders , not worry if there hair look good,, so im calling all cowboys out there if you need a job  show up to the party and play a boys game, no more excuses, every excuse has been exhausted if you not hungery to win then get out because i know cowboys  out there who are hungry  ,are you hungry, i remember when i played football my coach said dont you have any pride we were playing number one running back in the state, he came around on a sweep and i was just a small cornerback, he came hard around that corner i had two options one back off or two go head to head i chose head to head it was like two rams colliding i didnt win the match but at least i can look in the mirror,,, the other one is on a punt return i got a concussuon and i got 3 teeth knocked out  quess what  i played  the very next game  and we beat the team that had won many valley championships, wh en that team came in to our house they looked like giants compared to us but we stuck it them.why because we loved each other and played together as one unit no one greater then the other…..so dont talk  to me about improving some things that inprovement come from improving the heart if you want it bad enough it will happen ,,,,there is a verse in the bible and it talks about  i will take my kingdom away from saul  and give it to man after my heart and that man was not very big his name was king david,,,,,not until  you willing to sacrifice all your life not until your hungry enough…and this  is from top to bottom there are no favorites in his kingdom…….

Where do i start? I mean its perfect its literaly art. This is the Tale Of Twin Cities of internet commenting I just dont believe it will ever be topped. Lets break it down but this is just basicaly going to be me admiring it for the work that it is folks. No snark here.

I am a cowboy fan since i was a kid, i have never seen a quarterback from the cowboys or a coach make so many mistakes to literally shoot themselves on the foot.

Yes. starts strong. I wish hed been able to work the word “bum” in there but overall this is a great intro it gives your credentials and background qualfications as a REAL fan while also conventiently ignoring three years of Wade Philips and some guy named Quincy Carter.

I  was so upset when  he through the interception and i was so disappointed also

This take is strong and it is also a strong take to

i cant believe the organization has come so far as to basically forget all about fundamental of football, i here romo speak of improving and improving and as a leader you have to give the example, are you personally improving your game,i need you to  walk the walk and you speak of improving then do it,as  a team you need to improve., the defense needs  to improve ,

BTW again if Im nitpicking he should of put “if your a fan of periods,, theres the door.” So one thing I have to admit is he’s got me beat in his comma game folks. I experiment with a doublecomma every now again as my set-up device for a knockout punch, but hes changing the game with use of spaces before and after commas he even put a comma AFTER A PERIOD i feel like a guy waching Jimmy Hendrix (R-Seattle) make his onstage debut in Woodstock

the defense is way to pridicatabe, you need to blitz,then drop back into zone,disguise your defense,go one on one and then go cover two,way to predicable,

Jimmy sees your spelling and raises you TELLING. Loved for him to of used “hat on a hat” hear but he clearly has a knowledge of football that extends well beyond that of a average fan. You can tell Jimmys the type guy who mutes his TV so he can hear his local radio coverage of the game instead of that bias Fox,NBC, CBS, or ESPN bias.

and your not aggresive enough,way to tidmid to laid back playing to loose instead of winning,

Your not going to win much in the NFL if you try to loose people forget that.

im calling you out are you a real cowboy  can you ride,that bull comes out do you know what to do, i need cowboys with heart im calling all cowboys every where if you can here me i need you to play with a fury all of texas im calling all cowboys out there in the fields if you can tackle show up cause we need you…i  ask this  as  a cowboy fan  we got to round them up we need to unite, anyone out there that can tackle show up we need some real men. men like too tall jones who would nt  go out because he broke his nail, men like woodson who fought wars they had to drag them off the field,  guy like emmit  smith who would play with busted shoulders , not worry if there hair look good,, 

theres absolutly literally nothing I can add to any of this.

so im calling all cowboys out there if you need a job  show up to the party and play a boys game, no more excuses, every excuse has been exhausted if you not hungery to win then get out because i know cowboys  out there who are hungry  ,are you hungry,

Im ready to suit up for Jimmy gimme a hat Jimmy Im going to war,, Jimmy ears are fully pin back here would love to hear a bit about you personaly Jimmy I bet you played football I bet youve got some stories from your’e day I bet you wasnt the biggest guy but i bet you were HUNGRY Jimmy Ibet your HEART was HUNGRY.

i remember when i played football my coach said dont you have any pride we were playing number one running back in the state, he came around on a sweep and i was just a small cornerback, he came hard around that corner i had two options one back off or two go head to head i chose head to head it was like two rams colliding i didnt win the match but at least i can look in the mirror,,, 

If Im Ollie Stone, the first thing Im doing is Im demanding that the studio re-edit the “game of inches” speech from Any Give Sunday and just have it be a freezeframe of Al Pacino staring at Larence Taylors dick or whatever while these words scroll down the screen Star Wars style. Love to get this collision on tape to analyze Jimmys padlevel (bet you anything it was leverage) I bet the RB had all the respect in the world for Jimmy too and probably gave him a firm helmet slap after he was done celebrating his 9th rushing TD. Ecellent triple comma use there to Jimmy.

the other one is on a punt return i got a concussuon and i got 3 teeth knocked out  quess what  i played  the very next game  and we beat the team that had won many valley championships, wh en that team came in to our house they looked like giants compared to us but we stuck it them.why because we loved each other and played together as one unit no one greater then the other…..

“quess what” Jimmys just having some fun w/ it now fokls. Im looking at my keyboard and the letter “q” is 5 spaces away from the letter “g” so theres no way this is just a common typo because the letter q looks so much like a g. Jimmy has absolutely lived his life under the inpression that the word “guess” is spelled with a “q” and he hasnt gotten hit by a slow moving train yet. So inpressive. Jimmys also tougher then pretty much everyone since he lost half his teeth in a game and still played, but negative points for bragging Jimmy. Teeth dont affect your ability to play football. You dont get run over by allstate runningbacks with your teeth, you get run over by allstate runningbacks with your hips son. You want a participation trophy Jimmy?

so dont talk  to me about improving some things that inprovement come from improving the heart if you want it bad enough it will happen ,,,,

Quadcomma, good choice- cowboys dont need a new GM they need a new cardiologist IMO.

there is a verse in the bible and it talks about  i will take my kingdom away from saul  and give it to man after my heart and that man was not very big his name was king david,,,,,not until  you willing to sacrifice all your life not until your hungry enough…and this  is from top to bottom there are no favorites in his kingdom…….

PEOPLE FORGET THAT THE BIBLE USED A GUINTUPLE COMMA FOLKS. WHAT A GRAND FINAL IM READY TO RUN THROUGH A GD BRICKWALL. JIMMY MARTINEZ YOU ARE A TRUE HERO GODBLESS YOU AND YOUR DALLAS COWBOYS IF THEY EVER LEARN TO CARE MORE ABOUT THE GUY NEXT TO THEM THEN THERE GIRLFRIENDS INSTANTGRAM ACCOUNTS.

I cant add anything to Jimmys masterpiece its just to perfect I give it a 12 out of 10 and if we can Id love to get this into Jerry Joneses hands so he can make the shortlist of new coaching candidates. His names Jimmy Martinez so you have to believe a possible Rooney rule type deal at the very least. Im going to frame this comment and put it on top of my computer and slap it every morning to remind me to comment like a champion out there this is are manifesto folks. God bless you all.

/cums