Jaguars Browns Football
Oh, Browns.

Last Week: 1-2
Last Week’s Stupid Ass Single-Game Parlay: LOSS

About that… Just a bad week altogether. Hopefully nobody bothered to listen to me. You’re not even reading this are you? Nope, you already scrolled down to the picture of the puppy. Bastard.

Stupid Ass Single Game-Parlays Overall: 2-8
Overall: 22-21-1

Onward, friends.

Stupid Ass Single-Game Parlay of the Week

New England Patriots -11.5 vs. Cleveland Browns and UNDER 45.5

Nothing quite like taking a huge favorite and the under. But the Browns are the Browns, and therefore both of their quarterbacks are too concussed to function. Speaking of Browns quarterbacks…holy shit, Teddy Bridgewater! I would trade a first round pick for that one throw.

Home Favorite of the Week

San Diego Chargers -3 vs. New York Giants

Two shitty teams going in different directions. But both are shitty all the same. The Chargers started falling apart just as the Giants started getting it together. And now the trend reverses itself.

Home Dog of the Week

The only home dog currently listed on Bovada is the Redskins. And hahaha, no I’m not picking them for anything ever. Speaking of which…

Road Favorite of the Week

Kansas City Chiefs -3 at Washington Redskins

Fuuuuck the Redskins. I’m absolutely in lose-out mode, even though every loss improves the draft pick they no longer have. But where do they go from here? Will firing Shanahan do anything other than embolden RGIII’s gloryboyism? Fuck, I don’t know. But I do want to find out. FIRE SHANNY! Burn everything to the ground.

Road Dog of the Week

Indianapolis Colts +6 at Cincinnati Bengals

Andrew Luck is struggling. The offensive line is banged up. Cincinnati’s defense is really good. Despite all that, it’s still an 8-4 team getting six points. That seems like enough, right? Oh, I’m going to lose my house again.

Literal Dog of the Week

frenchie
Via Reddit

Not the cutest kind of bulldog, and still cuter than the average dog. Way to go, little Frenchie.

Fantasy Matchup of the Week

weird kicker league

This comes from reader Tim, a member of that insane kicker and punter focused fantasy league.

Pro Tip of the Week

Try as I might, I’m probably not going to be able to help you make any money. However, I can offer tips that will help you out in other walks of life. It could be a recommendation on something to read, advice on lighting for your home, something useful I learned on the internet, or, more likely, something about food.

actual advice mallard

I haven’t been to an airport in a while, so I need one of you business traveler types to tell me if this mallard is legit. It’s from Reddit, not 4Chan, so it shouldn’t start auto-playing kiddie porn or anything.

Send me an email if you would like to submit a Fantasy Matchup or a Pro Tip for future consideration.