Toronto mayor, and Mark Mangino/Marion Barry impersonator, Rob Ford finally admitted what all of Canada and writers at The Daily Show were crossing their fingers to hear: There’s finally going to be a permanent NFL team in Toronto! When reached for a confirmation, Lord Roger Goodell responded with “Huh? Are you on crack?”

Rob Ford: “Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine.”

Rob Ford, woke up this morning, knowing he was going to admit to the world that he hits the Casper Chronic, looked at himself in his giant mirror and thought “Today feels like an NFL tie day,” and put on his tie that, considering the Oilers logo and moustachioed Buccaneer, has to be so old that it was a gift from Toi Cook.

rob ford sick tie

Pasted-up pebble pounder Ford’s tie (that resembles my childhood bedsheets) is subtly making the point that without a permanent NFL team in Canada, Canadians are forced to root for the entire league, proving once again that not only are they are too polite for their own damn good, but that they’re a country of fence sitting centrists, too frightened to have national discourse.

*Update: Tie now available on eBay!