With the government shutdown over, Cleveland’s own Factory of Sadness was bound to reopen eventually. Not only is the factory back in business, but a season ending loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers at home was just the stimulus the Browns needed to kick despair manufacturing into high gear.

Comedian Mike Polk Jr. might have saved himself some heartache though if he had just followed through on his threat earlier this season.

Then again, Polk may not have wanted to risk accidentally set his whiskey ablaze, which is good because he might need it today after an Arkansas court decides whether or not to approve $84.9 civil case settlement deal in Browns’ owner Jimmy Haslam’s Pilot Flying J fraud scandal. That only covers ten of the thirty companies effected by the rebate fraud, the other twenty are still pursuing their own legal action. And this doesn’t cover the criminal charges. Damn. Maybe I should just go ahead and send Polk another bottle just for his troubles.

Still low on sadness, Browns fans? This parody of Lorde’s “Royals” called “Loyal” will have you in tears well into next week’s game against the Jacksonville Jaguars. Once you’re done with the crying, chin up Browns fans. What are the odds that Jacksonville wins two games in a row (and one of those games was against Houston, so it doesn’t even count)?