Last Week: 0-3
Last Week’s Stupid Ass Single-Game Parlay: WIN!
About that… A parlay win makes me feel better about all of the other horrible picks.
Stupid Ass Single Game-Parlays Overall: 2-7
Stupid Ass Single-Game Parlay of the Week
New England Patriots -9 at Houston Texans and OVER 47
Taking a putrid underdog and the under worked out really well last week. I was all set to do it again, but the Texans may be too fucked up to trust. Arian Foster and Ben Tate have combined for just about 100 yards per game. And two touchdowns. Behold the power of the drive-killing interception!
Home Favorite of the Week
Indianapolis Colts -4 vs. Tennessee Titans
Must find a way 2 win Division,no excuses,no explanations..hide weaknesses,accent strengthens/We gotta get our heads out of r butts-WAKE UP!
— Jim Irsay (@JimIrsay) November 26, 2013
If a Twitter rant from their insane owner can’t get the Colts out of their current funk, then nothing can. If he had named himself interim coach during Chuck Pagano’s absence they’d have a ring right now.
Home Dog of the Week
Kansas City Chiefs +6 vs. Denver Broncos
Both teams are coming off of losses (two of them for the Chiefs), and whichever team can get right this week will take control of the division and the playoff bye that will come with it.
Road Dog of the Week
Tampa Bay Buccaneers +9 at Carolina Panthers
The Panthers are going for an eighth straight win, the Bucs for an equally improbably third in a row. I don’t really know which team will win, but I’m giving serious thought to playing Mike Glennon over Matt Ryan. That’s not insane, right?
Literal Dog of the Week
Fantasy Matchup of the Week
I will let our old friend twoeightnine explain.
There’s a story behind it. A guy asked us to stop swearing on the MB bc he checked it at work. I was playing him that week. So I changed it and went undefeated for the rest of the year. Won all the money. Can’t change it now. Also. I’m lazy.
Pro Tip of the Week
Try as I might, I’m probably not going to be able to help you make any money. However, I can offer tips that will help you out in other walks of life. It could be a recommendation on something to read, advice on lighting for your home, something useful I learned on the internet, or, more likely, something about food.
Regardless of everyone’s lists telling you otherwise, stuffing is the best Thanksgiving food. Every year we look forward to stuffing, then put it out of our minds for the next 11 months. No more. Stuffing is not some once a year indulgence. It’s time for stuffing to cross back over into the mainstream. And the best way to do that is through the magic of the waffle.
Crispy edges. Moist center. It’s the brunch food you never knew you were missing all your life.
Send me an email if you would like to submit a Fantasy Matchup or a Pro Tip for future consideration.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news and humor before everyone else.