Please Stand By For Not Baseball

Red Sox – Cardinals? Well, if you answered, “NO THANKS” then know KSK cares and is here for you.

Our own new contributor Trevor Risk suggests, “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia and The League are on tonight. I religiously watch those. American Horror Story is on, but only watch that if you like the horror genre but don’t like getting scared.”

PFT Commentator, always the scamp, wishes there was a “Ustream of jack watching top chef.”  He’s not wrong. Ape’s sad there isn’t a special running on NFL Network, ”The 10 Best Interceptions That Aren’t Eli’s Fault” this evening. There was a call for just watching paint dry, whatever was on Netflix or Hulu, or just playing an old fashioned game of Techmo Super Bowl.

If that’s not enough options, here is a throughout guide of everything not the World Series on tonight. Yes, the guide relies pretty heavily on cable channels, but the networks are terrible with counter programming during these two weeks leaving us with nothing but “Survivor” and “Modern Family”, which really is just about the same as watching the World Series if you ask me. People who love it, love it. Everyone else? Eh.

Worse gets worse, there’s probably a “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” marathon on Ion or a local channel somewhere.

NFLN: Game Replay: Washington – Chicago. Catch the end of Catler if you missed it the first time!

NHLN: “Pittsburgh Penguins: In The Room” followed by “2013 Chicago Blackhawks Championship Film” Because Stanley Cup celebrations are more fun than baseball puppy piles anyway.

NBA: “Open Court” I guess they talk about NBA topics such as PEDs, racism, other social issues in a town hall. No wonder all the hipster Classical writers are all such hoop-heads.

Golf Channel: “Big Break NFL” I cannot believe I’m still watching this show. I rarely even play golf. They’re tan, they’re golfing in the tropics, why should I like this show? Oh yeah, Jerry Rice motivational speeches.

HGTV: “Love It or List It, Too”; “Property Brothers”, “House Hunters” One of the most cathartic things about sports is yelling at complete strangers in competition. All three of these HGTV shows are amazing for irrationally hating and yelling at people you will never meet. “4000 square feet, 5 bedroom, 6 bath, 3 car garage and a pool for $225,000? And it’s not big enough? EFF YOU PEOPLE IN HOUSTON, YOU’RE NOT EVEN LIVING IN COMPTON FOR THAT MONEY IN LA.”

E!: “The E! True Hollywood Story: Paula Deen” Just kidding, don’t watch that. Every penny E! gets means one more penny they have available to keep the Kardashians going.

FX: X-MEN: FIRST CLASS. This is actually my favorite X-Men movie, so I’d suffer through it even with the commercials.

Oxygen: FRIDAY.  FRIDAY never gets old and odds are, baseball writers aren’t watching it.

FX Movies: THE KARATE KI… Oh wait. This is the Jaden Smith version. No thanks, even the World Series is better than something.

Ovation: PLATOON. One of Oliver Stone’s finest works, plus you get to see the old Orion logo at the beginning.

HBO: THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY. If you want the slow pace of baseball without watching baseball.

HBO Classics: DRAGNET. Get drunk and sing along to “City of Crime”. The 80s, where even Tom Hanks had to rap for his supper.

Showtime: MURIEL’S WEDDING. Your wife grabbed the remote, didn’t she? Don’t blame her. Toni Colette is fantastic.

HD Movies Net: AMADEUS. F.Murray Abraham is really, really good. Might have won an Oscar, but I cannot remember and I’m not going to look it up. Sorry. Think he won the Oscar for best supporting though. At least nominated.

Sony Movies: HARDCORE. Oh, man. If you have never seen George C. Scott’s depiction of a midwest businessman going to Los Angeles to save his daughter from a life of pornography, this is an excellent choice instead of the World Series. The drama of watching a man watch a snuff film that might possibly star his kidnapped daughter is absolutely brutal. Tell your St. Louis Cardinals friends you watched this film and their sensibilities will be so offended, they may not speak to you for a week. which is exactly what you want during this World Series.

Still need to kill some time? Watch a music video with Alexis Arquette doing... Something.