hitner

49ers safety Donte Whitner officially changed his last name to Hitner, thankfully not to honor a certain deceased genocidal dictator, but instead as a roundabout way of protesting the league fining him $21,000 for a hit last Thursday against the Rams. It may not be quite as silly as Chad Ochocinco or Metta World Peace but the new name is succinct and to the point – Donte is gonna hit people. See, it’s right there in his name.

Of course, this led us to contemplate what other NFL players or figures could benefit from dropping the first letter of their last name. Here’s what we came up with.

Ndamukong Uh…

Matt Assel

Peanut Illman (allergic to nuts & latex)

Matthew Later

John L-Way

Justin Ugh

Dwayne Owe

Hakeem Icks

Andrew Uck

Ryan Lark

Lorenzo Eal

Ray Ice

Brett Eisel

Joe Lacco

Ben Ate

Pierre Arcon (pronounced arson)