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The coven of 32 team owners has just guaranteed a new season of HBO’s “Hard Knocks” every year for the foreseeable future during a vote held at today’s Bilderberg Group/NFL Owners meeting. And if no team volunteers, well then Goodell will just have to choose one for you. He sees you Patriots, hanging out in the back of the classroom with your hoodie pulled tight, avoiding eye contact.

According to Ian Rapoport, there are actually three ways you can decline participating:

  1. You can decline if you’ve got a new coach- a rule obviously written in by Jerry Jones knowing that cameras in every room would be a deal-killer for Saban.
  2. You can also get out of it if your team has made the playoffs for two straight years because what the hell this rule doesn’t make any sense. They’re basically saying “you’ll never get to see how a good team operates.”
  3. Or if having a production crew on the premises would violate a number of James Harrison’s restraining orders.

“Hard Knocks” does a lot of things well: It humanizes the depth charts and injury reports that fans have grown accustomed to reading of like another statistic, and it has given insight into a few teams that no one would have cared about outside their hometowns like the Chiefs and the Bengals. Also, without “Hard Knocks” we wouldn’t know how many children Anthony Cromartie thinks he thinks he has, and we’d have to find another outlet for watching grown men lose their jobs on TV besides C-SPAN.