Ladies-Who-Lunch-Pasadena-600x406

1340 Hollow Tree Drive
Deerfield Manor
Upper St. Clair, Pennsylvania 15241
October 9, 2013

Todd Haley
Fox Chase Lane
Fox Chase
Upper St. Clair, Pennsylvania 15241

Mr. Haley:

In light of the recent news about the state of your house and your pending lawsuit for destruction of property, on behalf of the Upper St. Clair High School Reunion Committee, I am asking you to resign from your position as the After Hours Activities Chair. As a fellow Upper St. Clair resident, you should know there is nothing more valuable to us than our home values, and we just cannot justify leaving you in power when you — really all of us — are being embarrassed by this terribly public situation. It’s one thing to remove a microwave Todd, but the landscaping? Actual foxes were displaced to build Fox Chase and you should respect the land they were sacrificed for to build your lovely six bedroom home.

Perhaps we should have seen this unseemly incident coming. There were rumors that you had violated the township code and were fined $300 for leaving your garage door open for more than twenty minutes. Then there was the citation for not trimming your lawn after it had surpassed the maximum height allowance. My understanding is that when the township supervisor came out to measure the grass, you spun donuts in your yard with your IROC yelling, “Cut this ride down to size!” I mean really, Todd. That was funny when we were in school drinking Robitussin and the Beast, but now it’s time you remembered those frivolous years are firmly behind us. It’s time for us to be the parents who bail our teenage kids out of trouble before it hurts their Penn and Colgate applications, not the parent who strips a water heater out of a house when they abandon a property.

You are a second generation Upper St. Clair resident and just as importantly Mr. Haley, you are a Todd and should represent the name accordingly. Drinking at the Crowne Plaza? You have lived in this area long enough to know it is nothing more than refurbished Holiday Inn we used to claim was actually in Bethel Park to save on the embarrassment. Why drink in such a dive? Is your St. Clair Country Club membership still being processed? Is your wife Chrissy still claiming you are thinking about joining Nevillewood or Rolling Hills instead?  Frankly all of this — the rental home you refused to buy, the poor drinking location, the abysmal 0-4 Steelers record —  just adds to the growing suspicion you never planned on staying with us Todd, which is why you need to step down from your position with the reunion committee immediately.

I am sorry it came to this, Todd. I will always remember fondly giving little Boss Todd a dry rub through your Z Cavaricci jeans in the commons junior year by the pool tables.

Sincerely,

Bree Underhill-Wellington
Class of 1988

P.S. Please say “hi” to my cousin Penelope Tinsley Darlington out in Pasadena if you somehow find yourself coaching the other USC next season.