david letterman

Hey kids, can you believe CBS just locked us up for two more years? Until 2015. Hard to believe it, eh Paul. 2015. I might be dead by then, who knows. Hee-heee! I’ve got in my right hand here tonight’s Top Ten List…

*Thunderous applause from audience.*

2015, Paul. The Top Ten List will be 30 years-old in 2015. How about that. Whole lot of lists. They’re busy at the home office in Wichita, did you know that, Paul? We’re keeping those people employed back in Kansas, making lists.

Top Ten Things Terrelle Pryor Was Thinking About When He Was Sacked Ten Times

10. “Ouch!”
9. “Boy the autumn sun sure brings out the red in Tamba Hali’s helmet.”
8. “Should have been a Buccaneer, or better yet, a Pirate.”
7. “Bet no one treats Johnny Depp this badly on set.”
6. “This is the last time I get a pre-game pep talk from Jeff George.”
5. “Maybe I should change my name to ‘Dan Quayle’?”

“Dan Quayle.” Get it, Paul? “Dan Quayle.”

DanQuayleLetter,anSmaller1

“Dan Quayle.”

4.  “Hali? That’s Liberian, isn’t it?”
3. “Canned hams!”
2. “Hey, Letterman did this before Buzzfeed for once!”

And the number one thing Terrelle Pryor was thinking about when he was sacked ten times:

1.  “Is that Al Davis guiding me into the light?”