Where Is My Damn Required Clear Bag

UPDATE: Behold the power of the KSK bully pulpit! They shipped my bag.

Ordered my official NFL required ALL CLEAR bag in mid-August, three weeks before the season started. Specifically ordered the more expensive required ALL CLEAR High-End Messenger because A) it had a shoulder strap and B) it wasn’t on backorder unlike the Clear Reusable Bag or the Clear Messenger Basic Tote Bag.

“This item will ship no later than Friday, September 20th.”
“You will receive another email containing tracking information once your order ships.”

LIES! DAMN, STINKING LIES! It’s September 23 and I have no idea where my damn new required ALL CLEAR bag is. It’s bad enough we’re losing all sense of privacy and being treated like criminals for attending an NFL game, but even when we try to go along with their new asinine guidelines, we’re being played for a sucker. The bag I ordered? It’s no longer even listed in the NFL ALL CLEAR Shop.

So let’s be ALL CLEAR on the timeline:

1) New bag restriction rules announced in June.
2) Merchandise added to shop in July, all of which is already on backorder with notation that it will ship by September 20, 2013. (Week Three of the season and too late for the opening kickoffs.)
3) I decide to wait and see if more bags are added to avoid a delay.
4) Patience rewarded in August before the season starts when new ALL CLEAR bag styles listed for sale that are not on backorder.
5) Bag purchased with remaining NFL Shop gift certificate balance. Feels like I won one here by not actually spending any of my own money on the ALL CLEAR bag.
6) Purchase notification email sent out within seconds of purchase gives September 20 as latest ship date, negates strategy to have an ALL CLEAR bag before the season starts. DOH!
6) September 23, still no shipping notification of league approved ALL CLEAR bag in my mailbox.

Week Four is here. Were I a fan heading to London for the Pittsburgh-Minnesota game — Boy do I feel like I dodged a bullet deciding against traveling to see my beloved Steelers in a battle against the Vikings to decide which team wanted to finally win their first game of the season more! — I wouldn’t have my required ALL CLEAR bag in time to reach the security line at Wembley Stadium. Imagine how much fun it would have been walking around one of the world’s premiere cosmopolitan cities, thousands of miles from home, with all my personal belongings in a Ziploc bag, American yokels abroad stereotype be damned!

In addition to not having my personal ALL CLEAR bag ready for my cancelled trip to London, the lack of my ALL CLEAR bag is hurting my KSK post schedule. Had it all planned out after I made my own ALL CLEAR bag back in June. I was going to stuff my new official ALL CLEAR bag with as many tampons and maxi pads as I could and have a contest to see if anyone could guess the number of feminine supplies fit into it, much like a jellybean jar. We’d all have a good laugh, the winner would get a large supply of tampons and maxi pads and a new bag, and we’d be able to mock just how colossally stupid the new rules are for fans before the season even started. Nope.

No bag, no jokes. No sign of protest for a bag I cannot even get my hands on.  Clever move, NFL.