brownie

Last week, the Browns made waves by trading away their best and most celebrated offensive player and responded by beating another terrible team using the services of Brian Hoyer. Perhaps buoyed by an inexplicable thing called success, Cleveland has worked up enough courage to apparently bring back the long-abandoned Brownie the Elf as a mascot. Does this mean Chomps is relegated to the bench with Brandon Weeden? Seems cruel. Is the return of Brownie crazy enough to propel the team to victory against their superior cross-Ohio division rivals? Guessing no, but seeing a giant goofy elf on an NFL sideline should be worth a chuckle and possibly invite lots of future Legend of Zelda cosplay among Cleveland fans.

BROWNIE

Otherwise, a bounty of unremarkable and downright boring-looking early games accompanied by the thankfully watchable Bears/Lions and Seahawks/Texans. It’s nice that the latter in is Houston, as the Texans would have no chance otherwise. As is stands, it’s still not looking super great for them, given the Texans’ extensive recent history of not showing up against good teams.

The Steelers and Vikings get together for a majestic Toilet Bowl in London. Is that called a Loo Bowl for the Brits? Oh, what cheek! A boisterous American larf! Matt Cassel gets the start for Minnesota if for no other reason than to further dissuade you from giving this game any attention.

Oh yes, and the Mike Glennon era begins for the Bucs in Tampa. Are you not overcome with excitement?

Your early game slate, as rated by KSK’s not-at-all subjective, rigorously scientificated five-star system:

Baltimore at Buffalo **
Cincinnati at Cleveland **
Chicago at Detroit ***
Seattle at Houston ****
Indianapolis at Jacksonville *
New York Giants at Kansas City **
Pittsburgh “at” Minnesota *
Arizona at Tampa Bay *