J.J. WATT: I’m pissed off, man. Nobody likes to lose. Especially like this, in our own place. Our own fricking stadium, man. After we were up 20-3, to then get shut out in the second half and overtime. Ridiculous. I just . . .
DEION SANDERS: HA! HA! HA! I love it! I love it! What is it, cold in there or —
J.J. WATT: This isn’t funny, man. I’m, I’m sick of it after one loss. I mean, look at me, my face is all busted up and —
DEION SANDERS: HA HA! Look at him! Look at his face all busted up!
J.J. WATT: Seriously, man, I was supposed to go out with Brandi, the hottest girl on the cheerleading squad. We had a date tonight. But I can’t go out with her now, not with my face looking like this. Like a dumb stupid piece of meat.
DEION SANDERS: HAHAHAHA! Yeah, dog, f’real, you look like some meat!
J.J. WATT: ‘S not funny, man. Like, I put on my stocking cap, to cover up as much of my busted-ass forehead as I could, and then I get in my car to go pick her up, and it won’t start. Dumb stupid car, I hate that car, man! I keep telling my old man I need a new one, and he’s just like, “Well, Mr. Star Football Player, I guess you need to go out and buy yourself one.” He just doesn’t care, man. Doesn’t understand how much pressure I’m under every . . .
DEION SANDERS: HA! HA! HA! HA! Oh, shit, man, I’m ’bout to start playing that “Cat’s Cradle” song! I’m lovin’ this poster-child-for-generational-disconnect-lookin’ motherfucker right here!
J.J. WATT: I guess I’m just a big stupid idiot. A big stupid lummox with a busted face and a car that won’t start and a dad who thinks he’ll never amount to anything. Probably a good thing my face got all torn up. Not like Brandi’d want to have anything to do with me anyway.
DEION SANDERS: HA HA HA! Yeah, man, you look pretty stupid.
J.J. WATT: I hate you, Deion.
DEION SANDERS: HA! HA! HA! Yeah, so does pretty much everybody else.
I want more like this!
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