Where Is My Damn Required Clear Bag SHIPPED

Behold the power of the KSK bully pulpit!

A couple of hours after posting about not receiving my NFL sanctioned ALL CLEAR bag more than a month after ordering it and not receiving any sort of shipment notice even though it is past their September 20 deadline, a very nice NFL Shop representative called me to apologize for the delay, explained that they themselves had not been receiving the bags on time from their vendors and that they were sending out my order this very afternoon. In addition, they were giving me a small credit to the NFL Shop for my hassle. (A credit I can use for an ALL CLEAR bag giveaway when I finally am able to run my “Guess How Many Tampons & Maxi Pads Fit Into My All Clear Bag” contest.)

So since we have have the direct ear of the NFL, or at least their associates, we’d like to make the following demands:

– Abolishment of Thursday Night Football.
– The return of Saturday NFL football in December when the college games are meaningless.
– Monday Night Football to return to its original time of 9:15 ET/6:15 PT.
– A camera built into the football so we can have Pass Cam that looks like this eagle flying through France.
– Three designated drivers assigned to each individual player, working in shifts.
– One of the two London NFL games to be moved to the Los Angeles Coliseum.
– A bedtime story read to us by Roger Goodell. (Read to us over Skype acceptable.)

And:

– This stupid bag rule to be done away ASAP.