grudentalk

 

Jon: WELCOME BACK TO GRUDEN TALK, THE TALK SHOW WHERE WE DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUES OF THE DAY.  BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS, DO YOU WATCH BREAKING BAD?

hermband

 

Herm: ON SUNDAY NIGHTS I’M WATCHING AL MICHAELS AND CRIS COLLINSWORTH.

Jon: AH, IT FIGURES A GUY WHO COULDN’T FIGURE OUT A TWO-MINUTE DRILL WOULDN’T KNOW HOW TO WORK HIS DVR.  IF YOU NEED TO TAKE AN HOUR OFF FROM GRINDING TAPE THEN YOU SHOULD USE IT TO CATCH UP ON BREAKING BAD.  THIS WALT, I CALL HIM CHUCK PAGANO BECAUSE HE WON’T LET CANCER GET IN THE WAY OF BEING A CHAMPION.

Herm: WALT SHOULD WIN COACH OF THE YEAR.

Jon: ANYWAY, WE GOT TIME MAGAZINE’S JAMES PONIEWOZIK HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE SHOW WITH US.  JAMES, HOW YA DOIN’?

James: Pleasure to be here.

Jon: THAT’S SOME HANDLE YA GOT THERE.  ONE OF THE BEST I’VE HEARD SINCE BOOGER MCFARLAND.

James: Thanks, I think.

Jon: SO THIS HANK GUY, I LIKE HIM.  A REAL GRUDEN GRINDER.  INSTEAD OF GRINDING TAPE HE GRINDS EVIDENCE IN FEDERAL DRUG INVESTIGATIONS.  AND HE JUST FOUND OUT THAT HIS BROTHER-IN-LAW IS THE HEAD OF A METH EMPIRE.  I HAVEN’T SEEN A FAMILY FEUD LIKE THAT SINCE I WORKED FOR EDDIE DEBARTOLO.

Herm: JED YORK SHOULD TAKE OVER BREAKING BAD.

James: Right.  The show did a great job of building Hank’s character.  At first he seemed a little boorish but we quickly found out that he was the closest the show had to a good guy and that he was pretty good at his job.

Jon: LEMME TELL YA, I LIKED HANK FROM THE GET-GO.  MY OLD STRENGTH AND CONDITIONING COACH IN TAMPA HAD A SCHRADERBRAU MIRROR IN HIS GARAGE TOO.

Herm: HOW MUCH DOES HANK BENCHPRESS?

James: Well, Hank is physically strong.  You saw that when he throttled Walt at the end of the last episode.  So it’ll be interesting to see just how lightly he can tread, per Walt’s instructions.

Jon: I REMEMBER GEORGE SEIFERT ONCE ASKED ME TO TREAD LIGHTLY ON THE PANTHERS AND I BEAT THEM 52-9 ANYWAY.  THIS GEORGE, I CALL HIM JESSE PINKMAN BECAUSE  HE WAS JUST SWIMMING IN A SUPERIOR STRATEGIST’S WAKE.

Herm: JESSE PINKMAN IS AN EMBARRASSMENT TO BILL WALSH’S COACHING TREE.

James: You know, I wonder where the show is going with Jesse.  I wonder if these last 8 episodes, 7 now, will show us how Walter comes to use either his gun or his ricin cigarette against Jesse.  Jesse is certainly coming unhinged.

Jon: I HEAR THAT.  I HAVEN’T SEEN A GUY THROW OUT THE WINDOW LIKE THAT SINCE ELVIS DUMERVIL.

Herm: CHEKHOV’S FAX MACHINE.

James: And speaking of a different Chekov, I did think Badger and Skinny Pete provided some welcome levity last week with their Star Trek spec script.

Jon: STAR TREK, WHAT A JOKE.  YOU CAN’T HAVE A CANADIAN IN CHARGE OF THE ENTERPRISE.  OTHERWISE IT’LL PUNT ON THIRD DOWN.

Herm: YOU HAVE TO GO FOR IT WHEN YOU’RE FACING THE KLINGONS.

James:  I’m afraid I’ve lost you.

Jon: THAT’S OK, BECAUSE WE’RE OUT OF TIME HERE ON GRUDEN TALK.  PLAY US OFF, HERM EDWARDS 7.

Herm: LET’S GET US SOME CABALLO SIN NOMBRE UP IN HERE!