belichicksmile

It’s quite a lofty feat to be more annoying than Peter King on PK’s own site in the first week of its operation, but that’s exactly what Greg Bedard has managed to accomplish. Bedard came to MMQB via The Boston Globe. While he was technically the senior NFL writer there, you can’t cover the NFL for the Globe without writing a good deal about the Patriots. Good thing, since his beat with MMQB has so far been “fluff the shit out of Bill Belichick”. He has succeeded admirably.

Earlier this week, his first piece for the site was a detailed history of how the Patriots have overcome adversity to succeed at several points in Belichick’s tenure. No other team faces hardship and wins! That’s a uniquely Boston trait. NO ONE DENIES THIS! On its own, that would have been a forgivable annoyance, but then Bedard took the occasion of Belichick’s press conference yesterday to whip his cock out and beat it all over the page in tribute to his crush on the Grumblelord.

As he strode, purposely as always

TRUE FACT: Bill Belichick has never taken an unpurposeful step in his life. Each footfall has transpired only according to his design. To know Belichick purposeful stride is to know there is order to the universe.

to the podium on the red level of the Gillette Stadium press box shortly before 2 p.m. on Wednesday, Patriots coach Bill Belichick had a choice to make about his first public comments since former tight end Aaron Hernandez was charged with murder.

“GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE CAN I JUST BLAME HERNANDEZ’S MURDER CHARGES ON HIM HAVING DIABETES GRUMBLE GRUMBLE”

Belichick could have stuck with his usual position — that he only talks about players who are on the team, and what’s in the past can’t be changed so it’s pointless to address it.

Oh yeah, Belichick could have totally ignored the mammoth story that will follow his team the entirety of this season and possibly beyond. I will say to his credit that’s how well Belichick has conditioned shithead reporters to expect nothing of him in their interactions. They’re dumbfounded by the most basic disclosure.

Instead, as he unfurled and read a two-page typed statement, Belichick took another route.

HE READ PREPARED REMARKS!

So, there was no dramatic decision at the podium at all. He went into this knowing full well how to try to dispel the media’s need for him to address the subject, no matter how perfunctorily.

We really shouldn’t be all that surprised.

“You should just accept that I’m going to laud him no matter what.”

Because in every decision he makes about the Patriots, it comes to down to one factor: do what will put the team in the best position to be successful.

Sooooo it’s the same coldly calculated response he always had masquerading as compassion. What a new route for him to take.

Belichick hit the right notes.

If by that, you mean constantly deferring to “the judicial process” rather than give specific answers. When you have one good note, why stray from that? Any musician will tell you that.

Belichick hit the right notes. He showed compassion for the family of the victim, Odin Lloyd.

Yes, the family. Because he never mentioned Odin Lloyd by name.

For many watching or listening at home, this was a new Belichick. But there are two Belichicks, or at least two perceptions of him.

“This was a new second Belichick that I’ve always known in secret!”

There’s the man who has a seemingly joyless pursuit of football excellence, reinforced by comically bland sound bytes, a grim sideline demeanor, and cold and calculated personnel decisions. But behind that, there’s a real person, one who can be funny, disengaging and sincere. If you’ve earned his respect, he’ll help you in any way he can.

“If you write what he wants, he’ll continue to talk to you.”

That Belichick truly does exist; he just doesn’t let the public see that side very often. Because it doesn’t help him win games.

But if you’re MEEEEEEEE and have had long conversations spent assuring Belichick that his version of events is what appears in the press, he can be downright cordial. ALMOST HUMAN!

F*ck you, Bedard. You’re the perfect PK underling.