texanshomecoming

The Houston Texans on Tuesday released a schedule of themes for each of their home games this season, because what’s a football game unless there’s a broader theme to the experience of attending? Something like Fan Appreciation Day or Salute the Veterans or Barbecue Awareness. The one that really sticks out, however, is the “homecoming game” the Texans will have in Week 13 against the Patriots.

Yes, homecoming, as though the Texans were a high school or college team. How adorable. What does this mean for the game itself? Male and female fans seated at opposite ends of the stadium? Over the clothes handies for Tom Brady behind the bleachers? Ed Reed forced to leave for wearing a hobo tuxedo?

I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see. I do know that if offensive drives are moving at too fast a clip, Reliant Stadium will slow things down a bit by playing this little ditty over the PA:

Couples drive only, folks.