apjr

Purple Jesus’ kid was at Vikings camp. I didn’t think Jesus, purple or otherwise, could have kids. What does that make him? Purple god’s grandson? Anyway, pretty adorbs.

– Adrian Peterson has pinpointed the week that he’s going to break the NFL’s all-time rushing record: Week 16 of 2017. Little does he suspect that Roger Goodell will have long since passed the 40-game season by that point and four other nearly crippled running backs will have passed his pace.

– Chris Johnson refuses to admit that Adrian Peterson is a better back than him, which is fine, I guess, except for the part where he bashes his own offensive line again.

– Bernard Pollard keeps the termination letter that the Ravens gave him pinned to his locker at Titans headquarters. Yet the Titans do not play the Ravens this season, so sadly no chance for bonecrusher vengeance.

– Mike Shanahan professes not to have an e-mail account, which most people presume is bullshit and rightly so. But these people think it’s because Shanahan wants to come off as a hard-nosed, old school-style coach, but I think it’s because he’s embarrassed that he still has an AOL account.

– Today in “Is Eddie Lacy fat?” featuring this rail-thin little girl, included only to make him look chunkier.

lacy

– The one Cleveland fan who believes God hates someone other than him. Also, somehow the Ravens escape the holy scorn.

brownsgod

– Drew Brees left a poor tip. It would probably help to have some context here, but I’m of the opinion that the world is ready for a Drew Brees heel turn. BOW BEFORE EVIL BREES.

– Josh McDaniels is saying that Tim Tebow is being used in practice strictly as a quarterback. Presumably under orders to get the media to talk about something that isn’t Aaron Hernandez.